


Miracles of Magnus

by M00N_S00N



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-01-20 20:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12441204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M00N_S00N/pseuds/M00N_S00N
Summary: 'Give me all your painAnd love will set you freeGive me all your shamePut all your weight on meAnd I'll be the stone that you need me to be'





	1. The Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I am absolutely new to AO3 and this is my very first piece of writing ever. I apologise in advance for any mistakes that I have made (or in future) as English is not my primary language. I am no word expert and have no idea if my work will appeal to you but do read it at your own free will and I am also curious as to what you think.

Alec opened his eyes. His vision was a total blur. He sat slumped at the wheel of his Porsche 911 Turbo. Acrid smoke was gathering. It threatened to invade his lungs. He knew he had to get out of his automobile before his lungs started to burn.

Pain overpowered him as he tried to move. It was useless. He sat trapped. His thoughts were on Izzy, Jace and Max. Who will look after them? Who will protect them now? 

He held his breath, refusing to inhale, unwilling to declare defeat. Finally, robbed of air, Alec gasped and the demons of hell rushed in. They choked him and made him cough profusely. They were inside him now. They were in control. It was a losing battle. 

His senses were weakening as his body fought off poison that was consuming him hungrily. Darkness was descending fast. He didn't want to give in but knew he had no choice. As he surrendered himself to the masters of hell, he heard the faint sound of siren. Then there was nothingness.

***

'Get out!' Frustration finally bore fruit to anger as Alec lashed out. Without a word, the medical assistant left the room. 

Alec sat staring at the hospital's colourless surrounding. The doctor's words flooded back to him, 'There is a possibility you may never walk again'. He desperately wanted to wake up from this frightful nightmare but this was no livid dream. He had spent an entire week at the hospital.

His MRI results had shown spinal cord compression which confirmed his worst fears. He was living the reality of an automobile accident resulting in a spinal cord injury. Bound to a wheelchair, Alec was paralysed in both legs.

His entire life caved in. One freak accident had changed it all. His anger ate at him. The guy who ran the red light and crashed into him was in jail serving his term but he had been lucky enough to escape bodily harm.

Life was not fair. Alec had already lost both his parents in a similar accident. He have had to weather in the tempest, forgo his youth and plunge himself deep into a complex corporate world, learning and earning the trust of the company board members. He had not allowed himself to grief the death of his parents. There was no room for self pity as he blocked and pushed out every fear, insecurity, resentment, despair and poured his entire energy into work.

On the home front, he had his siblings to focus on and care for. He played both the father and mother figureheads, nuturing and protecting them as best as he deemed fit.

Every night, he would crawl into bed, though mentally and physically exhausted, he would process and reflect on the day's events and plan for the next day. This he did on repeat until it became second nature to him.

His own needs rarely surfaced and if they did, they became his lowest priority or were often left neglected. His survival instincts were sharpened by his fierce love for his siblings. He would shield them at all costs from this ugly and cruel world.

He was always the strong one absorbing all the pain and making deliberate sacrifices. Never once did he let his guard down. The first born Lightwood had everything under control. Until now. Everything was about to change and for the first time, he felt vulnerable. The new feeling frightened him.

The door of his hospital room swung open. Izzy burst in with Jace right behind her. Obviously, the medical staff had gone looking for his siblings.

'Oh Alec, you mustn't give up on the physical exercises'. Her stunning features were lined with worry. Jace stood quietly at the foot of the bed. His stoic facial expression failed to mask his utmost fears for his adopted brother.

'Izzy, it's easier said than done. I can't feel my legs. Why can't you accept the fact that I will never walk again?' Frustration mingled with fear shattered his usual composed demeanour.

He regretted his words the minute they were uttered. He needed to do better. The last thing he wanted to do is to instil a sense of insecurity in his siblings. It took all his willpower to supress and mask his raw fears as he was not about to lose it.

As the leader and eldest of the family, he has an important obligation to his family. The fundamental to fulfilling that obligation was captured in a creed he made for himself : To honour, serve and obey. Well, ironically, having his own mantra wasn't good enough and neither was it foolproof. Following traffic regulations had landed him in the hospital.

'Where is Max?' Alec avoided further discussion about his condition by changing the subject.

'He's with Clary. Don't worry, she will look after him until we are ready to take him home.' Jace assured Alec.

'I don't want to alarm him so don't mention anything about my condition to him and I don't want either of you to worry. It's business as usual at the office even though I can't physically be there. Is it clear?' His authoritative voice took control of the situation and he was back in charge. 

The look of full determination shaped his facial expression, as he hid his true state of mind behind a calm facade. Izzy wrapped her arms around her brother and she hugged him tightly. Silence ensued as all three family members were lost in their own private thoughts.


	2. Magnus' Assignment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus Bane (my favourite character) is introduced here in Chapter 2. So, a reluctant Magnus is asked to take up Alec's case. Read on to find out what happens next.

'ENOUGH!'

Alec unleashed his rage of fury at his fifth physiotherapist. The fifth one in a month.

Nathan started to argue but decided to hold his tongue instead. He knew it was useless and it was time to call it quits after an entire excruciating week dealing with his impossibly infuriating patient.

The week had started off on a negative note. Alec was wallowing in a deep pool of grumpiness and found fault with almost every single living soul who crossed paths with him. Even his siblings were not spared of his cantankerous mood.

Alec sat in his wheelchair. His facial expression was one of overcast and glum. He trained his eyes on Nathan, watching him pick up his bag and leave the training room.

He didn't bother to apologise nor did he call after him. His glimmer of hope for recovery dimmed away as weeks passed by without progress, giving way to disappointment.

Then feelings of helplessness crept in, dosing out the last bit of hope he desperately wanted to cling on to and in the end, they manifested in full blown anger.

Nathan bore the brunt of it as had all his past predecessors. Alec's refusal to cooperate, heat from his fiery temperament, his hurling extreme verbal abuse and never ending sulkiness tantamount to an armageddon.

The lethal combination of agonising pain and deep frustration had changed Alec. He didn't like this change. In fact, he was beginning to hate himself. He hated that he was unable to cage his green hulk. 

He wanted his former life back not this helplessness of being labelled an invalid.

By now, Alec's ill reputation had circulated amongst the chains of Wellness and Rehabilitation Centres in New York. It was increasingly difficult to hire a physiotherapist let alone a good one.

'Big Bro, you can't go on like this...' Izzy began.

'That scumbag of a physiotherapist! Licensed or not, nothing he does is right! Find me someone who knows what he is doing!' Alec's inner hulk was threatening to terrorise again. 

'I want you to calm down this instant and get a grip of yourself. Nathan is well qualified and you know it. Just give it time Alec and don't you dare give up hope.' Izzy tried to reason with her brother.

'Izzy, it's almost been 2 months, 2 fucking months! I still can't feel my legs!'

Nathan was Izzy's best hope but with Alec's vote of no confidence in Nathan, she had no choice but to let him go.

She was out of options. There is only one thing left to do.

***

'No'. Magnus shook his head from side to side.

He knew where the conversation was leading to and he was not about to give in.

'Miss Lightwood is a very important contributor to our Centre. Last year, she funded our centre's charity dinner event. As a return favour, I want you to take her brother's case.' Maia, the Head of the Centre stood her ground and was equally determined to get her way.

Magnus rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut.

'You are our Centre's best. I know you will make a difference where others have failed. Look, as a sweetener, let me offer you a promotion and a bonus when you complete this assignment'.

Magnus listened very carefully. He had worked with Maia since helping her set up the wellness centre and knew this case was important to her.

'What makes you think I can help this pain in the ass, grouchy Lightwoody fella whom the entire New York practitioners are shunning away from?' He waved his hands dramatically in the air but in a rather disdain fashion.

'I know you Magnus, you have never let any case slide. Plus, you hate failures'. Maia gave him a determined look, her arms folded across her chest.

Magnus hid a smile. Maia knew him well enough to orchestrate a push on his developmental needs in the right direction.

Of late, Magnus was beginning to gain popularity in New York as he succeeded time and again in handling the many cases he was assigned to.

Alexander Lightwood could be another addition to his growing list of patients. Not only was Alexander Lightwood a high profile, he was also well known and well connected in the business circles of New York. This case could certainly help to open more doors of opportunities that will help boost his future career.

According to his inner sources, this case was hopeless. The patient is temperamental and wears a big bad attitude as his crown. He had researched the Lightwood's family background.

Alec the oldest, had inherited a sizeable fortune from his parents who died in a car crash many years ago. He single handedly raised his sister Izzy, Jace, his adoptive brother and Max who was the youngest.

The family owned the Mortar Instruments Inc, a business dealing with building materials and industrial equipments which supplies manufacturing corporations around New York.

From what he had gleaned, this patient 'to-be' is a rich workaholic. He is demanding, impatient, serious and the list goes on. Quite the opposite of Magnus himself.

He didn't want to take the case but he could not bear to let Maia down after all that she had done to help him grow his career.

With the sweet promises of an enticing rewards package, maybe he could convince himself to focus on the ultimate gain rather than the stuffy personality he would be dealing with.

Furthermore, Magnus loves a challenge. Maia clearly knew what she was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My initial chapters are fairly short but they may get longer as we advance into the storyline. Next chapter, Magnus meets Alec but there is trouble! Stay tuned.


	3. The Patient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus finally accepted his assignment and drove to Idris to meet the Lightwoods. His encounter with Alec was not what he had envisaged. Alec's cold reception was patiently tolerated by Magnus who tried his best to be civil.

The drive up to Idris was magnificent. Leaving New York, Magnus took the scenic route watching the landscape transform from towers of city grey into flat plains of grass filled land stretching as far as the eye could see. Its tranquility was bewitching.

The route was windy and occasional Holstein breed could be spotted grazing in alfalfa pastures. Magnus inhaled deeply the refreshing smell of the cool autumnal air. He wished he lived in the countryside. 

As he approached Idris, the earth chose to shed its summers' green and dress in colours of pumpkin and cinnamon. He suddenly felt nostalgic as images of the past connected to his present. 

Black robes. Dark hallways. Bare walls. Haunting bell. Black jet night. They swarmed in his head, spinning and dancing in a nonsensical pattern. His palms felt clammy. 

'You have arrived at your destination.' The robotic voice from his Waze application broke his reverie.

Magnus stared at the structure before him. He marvelled in awe at the 18th century Renaissance built which stood grand despite the erosion of time. It was a display of old wealth and carried a certain charm about it. 

This was the house that the Lightwoods lived. 

Getting his bags out of his rented blood red BMWZ4, he climbed the steps and stood in front of the heavy oak door with a glass panel centrepiece bearing an unmistaken letter ' L ' insignia in an elaborate design. 

He rang the bell.

He didn't have to wait long as the door clicked open.

'Mr Bane, welcome to Idris and thank you so much for coming' Izzy greeted Magnus with sincerity, more thankful and grateful that someone is now continuing the help for her brother. 

Idris is their 20 acre estate, named after their paternal grandparents, which houses the mansion, a guest cottage, greenhouse, Lake Lyn and acres of woodland surrounding the vast property. 

'Delighted and please, call me Magnus' Magnus smiled.

'Then, you must call me Izzy, short for Isabelle.' Izzy mirrored his smile in return.

Magnus noted how attractive this Lightwood sister is and wondered if his patient looks half as good as his sister. 

'Please come through the hall. Alec is stationed at the room on the ground floor at the far end as the stairs to his own bedroom is out of the question at the moment'.

He liked her already because she spoke with ease, confidence and hope. There is always hope.

'Alec? Your new physiotherapist is here'. Izzy announced.

Without waiting for an answer she turned the knob to her brother's room.

'WHOA! Hang on, I'm putting on my shirt ...'

Magnus' eyes fell on a half naked Alec whose muscled and toned arms and obvious six pack torso were seen disappearing beneath an olive green tee.

Alec may be wheelchair bound, but it quickly dawned on Magnus that this patient prized his physique and had obviously been a gym regular prior to the accident.

His darkish brown hair still wet from shower, uncombed and unruly cupped his perfectly handsome face.

Time stood still as Magnus was mesmerised by the sight before him as he felt a strange warm sensation creeping down low in the pit of his stomach.

That pretty boy face was the most beautiful he had ever seen and suddenly, it did not make any sense how people could have labelled him, judged him so negatively, so wrongly...

'Be warned. I bite!' Magnus was jolted back to the present by the harsh overtone but he chose to ignore the statement and flashed Alec his best smile.

'Hi, I'm Magnus Bane...'

'Enlighten me my paralysis', Alec cut through the introduction. 

'Well, to begin with, a paralysis is defined as a complete loss of strength in an affected limb or muscle group. There is an array of them -

Monoplegia affects only one limb.

Diplegia affects the same body region on both sides of the body.

Hemiplegia on the other hand, affects one side of the body.

Paraplegia affects both legs and the trunk; and 

Quadriplegia affects all four limbs and the trunk.'

'In which case, yours is a partial paraplegia as you have no sensation in both legs,' rolled off with ease from his tongue from over a decade worth of solid and grounded practice.

Alec was pretty sure his grilling methods would disarm his new physiotherapist as it never failed to do so with the other so called experts but this one left him momentarily dumbfounded, not at all expecting this gorgeous looking Asian physician to give such a reply.

This infuriated him even more as he took in the flamboyant attire of gold mixed with dark purple and was that make-up he was wearing? 

'Do you have another question?' Magnus' eyes were kind as he acknowledged that he had the upper hand.

'You have 6 weeks to get me back on my feet or you are fired!' Alec barked, dark mood returning back to his perfectly handsome countenance. 

'Nothing is impossible if you believe and invest in your efforts. Only if you want to.' Magnus replied calmly not letting Alec gain upper hand.

Both gentlemen locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity until Izzy broke the silence.

'Big Bro, Magnus will be staying with us in the room next to yours'.

'Well, that settles. I better unpack before we begin your first therapy session this afternoon Alexander.' Magnus was all too glad to end the awkwardness and motioned toward the door as Alec started to open his mouth to object. 

'Hey, nobody calls me that, it's Alec! Plus, you don't have my permission to stay here. What the ...'

He heard a string of curses as he closed the door firmly behind him leaving  both sister and brother to reason and argue why Magnus should or should not move in. 

Magnus sighed. It was going to be a long 6 weeks. He wasn't even sure if he would last a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading Chapter 3. So, will Magnus succeed in winning Alec over? Find out in the next chapter. Drop me a comment as I would love to hear from you. Xx


	4. Ayurvedic Herbal Oil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chp4 is here! 
> 
> This writing journey had not been what I had expected at all.  
> In fact, it surpassed my own expectations in a good way. 
> 
> Special thanks to my beta Nelly for helping me with my muddled spelling and grammar!
> 
> In this chapter, we see Alec melting little by little, as he tries to understand his mixed feelings/reaction toward Magnus. 
> 
> If you are a fan of Shadowhunters TV, you will recognise familiar lines from the series which I had incorporated on purpose. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Magnus stared at the door. He wasn't sure why he hesitated. Alec was clearly not his 'typical' patient who bought his charm and ease at first encounter.

Alec was ...

Magnus sighed. He just couldn't place his finger on this one. For the first time, he found no stereotype to box his current patient.

He gripped the bottle in his hand a little firmer without realising his action.

It was the only item he had fished out from his therapy bag after dumping his clothes bag in his room.

The bottle contained Ayurvedic herbal oil, his choice oil for massage therapy, an oil his dexterous hands were accustomed to working with but now he wasn't so sure.

With a deep breath, he knocked on the door and waited.

A deep menacing grunt vibrated through the rectangular wooden board almost immediately as if ready to challenge him and charge at him.

'He will diminish your humanity instantly!'

'He will reduce you until you are nothing!'

'His silence will eat you alive'

'If looks could kill you, his did exactly that'

All manners of warning from his work peers flooded back to him like a series of bad reviews from the New York Times Magazine.

Magnus pushed them out of his head and grabbed the handle opening the door while pocketing the bottle of oil with his other hand.

His eyes met with his patient's who sat in his wheelchair motionless like a monumental statue. Alec was projecting a hard front but his eyes illuminated the opposite.

The hazel were like crystal balls revealing their hidden truth behind shrouded enchantment under Magnus' spell breaking wizardry. They exposed his real state of being.

Fear. 

The discovery shocked Magnus and touched his deepest core instantly.

'Alexander, are you ready for your therapy session?' Magnus went straight to the point.

'I told you not to call me by that name, it's Alec!'

So, this was how the game is to be played. Magnus ignored the sting in Alec's outburst.

'Fine.. fine, whenever you are ready Alexan... Alec' Magnus recovered by correcting himself just in time albeit an angry godzilla version of Alec throwing darts at him with his eyes.

Magnus carefully approached Alec and knelt down in front of his wheelchair.

Looking up at Alec from his vantage view made Magnus realise that he had the most breathtaking beautiful hazel eyes and they somehow seemed to possess the power to magnetise him, drown him in their deep pool of irises and trap him there.

'Are you going to start my therapy or just crouch down there all day?' barked Alec bringing Magnus back to reality.

Magnus reached out and touched the brake levels of the wheelchair.

'I'll examine your legs as soon as I lock these brakes in place to keep the wheels steady.'

At 6' 3" Alec was much taller than Magnus and probably weighed around 196 pounds based on his quick estimation of his overall body mass.

Seated on the wheelchair, Alec was still in his olive green tee and had dark pants on.

'I'm going to have to remove your pants to examine your legs'. Magnus said matter of fact.

'What?! Why?! I don't think... This isn't...'

For a man of authority, Alec seemed to have lost his power of command and perhaps his train of thoughts too.

So he did what he does best in such a situation. He began to stammer.

'I insist since I must do my job Alexander.' Magnus said firmly, rising up but instead of standing, he leaned into Alec and placed both hands firmly on both arms of the wheelchair.

Alec stared into the tanned face of his physician which was just inches away and inhaled a familiar scent.

Was that lavender?

Eyes affixed on the aesthetics of the face, Alec was instantly captivated by his healer and fought the impulse to touch the glitter on Magnus' eye lids. What was wrong with him today?

'Back off!'

If the warning was meant to disarm Magnus, it only made Magnus more determined.

'We can do this the easy way or the hard way'

Magnus hoped he need not have to resort to a 'no-choice method' of pulling the pants off Alec deliberately and pictured a ridiculous scene of manhandling Alec with a pair of scissors.

'At the count of three, I will lift you up enough for you to pull down your pants.' Magnus did not wait for an answer and proceeded to plant both his hands underneath Alec's underarms.

He closed the gap between their bodies in a tight hug, counted one... two... three... and lifted.

Pants slid down the hip and stopped at mid thigh. As if under a spell, Alec found himself magically obeying Magnus. The contact felt like a lover's embrace.

'That wasn't so hard was it?' Magnus' voice was soft, non judgemental and they warmed all the way into the centre of Alec's heart.

'May I?' Magnus waited for his patient to give him consent before removing the piece of clothing. 

All Alec did was nod, tamed by Magnus' courage and calmness.

Magnus carefully worked the fabric down both legs until they sat atop Alec's ankles and left them there.

Reaching for the bottle of Ayurvedic herbal oil in his pocket, he poured out a generous amount of its rich fluid onto his palm and began rubbing his hands together.

Alec watched Magnus' liquid movement of hands, glistening and wet. His throat went dry.

'Can you feel any sensation here?' His voice registered real concern as his oil blended hands, now warm, began massaging Alec's left calf.

Alec shook his head. He sat stiffly and rigid.

'Here?' Magnus did the same with the right leg and waited for an answer.

'Nothing' Alec managed audibly.

Next, Magnus worked his hands up Alec's outer left thigh and performed little kneading movements.

As he worked around the inner part of the thigh, Alec froze.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat because as helpless as he sat in the chair, his manhood was beginning to harden as he pictured Magnus' hands on a forbidden part of his body.

Magnus' eyes darted up to Alec at his movement and he caught Alec blushing.

'Don't worry Alexander, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I have worked with dozens of patients, male, female, gay, lesbian, bisexual, you name it and seen every possible part of the human anatomy.'

Alec knew Magnus was referring to his exposed limbs but prayed Magnus had not noticed his now engorged sex and willed his obscene thoughts away.

Magnus carried on massaging his limbs, concentrating on his job. He was more than aware of what was happening to his patient.

He assumed that the very obvious bodily reaction in Alec was caused by his hands hitting sweet spots of pressure points invariably awakening his arousal.

This was nothing new nor strange to Magnus because there is a valid explanation and science to it all. It couldn't be anything more. Besides, his patient hates him.

He kept this knowledge to himself and continued to act obliviously innocent.

'Next comes the hard part. How is your threshold for pain? It is a cruel irony but while you may lack sensation in the legs, you may experience physiological pain so I want you to stop me when that happens. I will start by lifting your left leg off the foot rest and upward slowly.'

Meticulous and methodical, Magnus took time to explain his step by step rehabilitation approach.

With one hand planted below Alec's calf and the other on his ankle, Magnus started to lift Alec's leg... 5 degrees angle, then 10... 20... 40 degrees. His eyes never once left Alec's face looking for the first signs of pain.

Alec's grunt stopped him at 45 degrees as he slowly released his leg back to its original position.

'Not bad and nothing a series of physio work cannot fix' Magnus smiled at Alec who was again mesmerised by his exotic looks.

What was happening to him? Confused and rattled, Alec ignored his growing attraction and focused on his issue.

'How can you be so sure when all the other therapists had signed me off as an invalid?'

'Trust can make you do strange things. Question is do you have enough faith?' quipped Magnus.

There was a pause. The silence was more bearable now that they were having a civil conversation rather than a one sided verbal combat.

'I trust you, I don't know why but I do' Alec surprised himself with his own reply.

'Must be something in the air', Magnus humoured an unimpressed Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Chp4! 
> 
> As always, I love receiving comments from all of you. You are also most welcome to leave comments on my Twitter account (@M00N_S00N).
> 
> I'm away on work assignment coming week so be warned, my next update might be late.


	5. Kitchen Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 5! While waiting for the actual kitchen scene to unravel in S3, why not create some FF kitchen buzz and fuss? So read on...

The Lightwood kitchen was the heart of Idris mansion. There were in fact two kitchens.

The original kitchen was left uninhabited since Maryse's demise. It retained its age old historic appeal with an open deep fireplace with andirons that kept wood logs in place like watch dogs.

The fireplace had been Maryse's favourite with a pop-up mantelpiece wrapped around it, stone flooring and rustic wood furnishings, giving it a complete 18th century finish.

The ghost of Maryse lived on in that old kitchen, untouched and frozen in time as if to preserve her existence, unable to release her shackled shadows.

Her memories were too painful for the Lightwood siblings. Alec did what he had to do. He had a second kitchen built. 

The second kitchen was nothing like the first. 

It boasted of state of art modern living and formed a lifeline of its own.

It became the centre of the Lightwood's universe, literally and metaphorically.

For Alec, it was his safe place, the only place where he would permit himself to let down his guard, let loose his otherwise cluttered mind and envelope himself freely in his siblings' love and company.

It was a place where the older Lightwoods shared their secrets with one another in the middle of the night, accompanied by the low and steady humming of their monstrous sub zero refrigerator. The kind that was equipped with a see through glass door.

It was also a place where the Lightwoods welcomed their close circle of friends for a simple meal, delightful chat, an afternoon tea, fine dining or simply wine drinking in the middle of the afternoon.

The entire kitchen's design and decor screamed of Isabelle, the Lightwood entertainer and socialite.

Any chef awarded with Michelin stars would be envious of the kitchen's luxurious appliances, its sleek but minimalist design, purposefully styled for high functionality.

This morning, Izzy was piling smoked salmon, avocado and some greens onto a sandwich for Max. White bread was laid out on the bright daffodil coloured 'L' shaped concrete countertop with beautiful workmanship.

Max sat on the perfectly handcrafted sky blue button tufted back vinyl booth seats which bore stark colour contrast next to the countertop.

'Izzy, is Alec going to be OK?' asked Max toying with his bowl of cereal.  
   
'Of course he is. We have the best physiotherapist in town looking after him. Now come on, eat up your breakfast. You're going to be late for school.' Izzy answered Max fondly.

She eyed the wall clock and took a few seconds to admire a bouquet of fiery red spray roses, golden orange peruvian lily mixed with a touch of matricaria, gold grevillea, red hypericum berries and oak leaves which sat in a Waterford cassidy crystal glass vase.

Izzy finished packing Max's snacks for school and placed the lunchbox in his school bag together with fresh orange juice.

Jace appeared sleepy eyed and yawned. 'Morning' he said reaching for a mug from the wall hung oak carved mug storage holder and poured himself a steamy cup of brewed coffee. 'I didn't sleep very well last night' he said outside of Max's earshot.

'That makes the two of us' his sister whispered back giving him an understanding look.

He forked some homemade waffles onto his plate and began attacking them hungrily. Eating always help calm his nerves. It was Clary's big day today as she hosts her first art gallery. 'I'm helping Clary at the arts gallery this morning. Do you want to come and see her latest work?'

'I heard she's putting the final touches to the 'Song of Sea' piece. I hope she added see gulls as promised. I will join you both after I've checked in on Alec. Can you take Max to school today?'

Chewing a mouthful, Jace nodded and remarked, 'These are mean Belgian waffles! Did you make them Izzy?'

'I did' said Magnus emerging from the kitchen's archway smiling. A dimple formed in his left cheek, making him look incredibly handsome.

Dressed in a fitted black denim and brown long sleeve shirt, he was a picture of male perfection. Divinely styled hair swept in high fashion and brown soft soled shoes complete his head to toe look. 

He set his fingers apart and brought them together as each finger rested against its twin. 'I am glad you like them'.

Jace noticed that this was a well dressed man who prized his looks and take grooming seriously. He approved of this silently and secretly wished that his plainly dressed brother would take a lesson or two from this fine gentleman.

Magnus turned to the little boy, met him at eye level and smiled, 'You must be master Max, the youngest Lightwood. I'm Magnus Bane.' Magnus extended his hand and shook hands with Max.

Max beamed because Magnus had addressed him as a master. That made him felt important and all grown up.

'I hate to break up this lovely introduction but we gotta go. Come on buddy. Thanks for making breakfast Magnus', Jace said grabbing Max's school bag and ushering Max out the door.

Izzy worked with ease around Magnus cleaning up the breakfast mess, clearing used plates, trays and utensils. Magnus noticed her tired and swollen eyes.'

'If you are worried about your brother, please don't be. Time and a series of exercises combined with therapies will help him on his road to recovery. He is also strong and determined.' Magnus said carefully.

'Oh, I'm not worried about Alec now that you are here to help him.'

At the mere mention of Alec, Magnus' heart did a double flip. This surprised him but he quickly ruled his thoughts away.

He was glad that Izzy trusted him as Alec was beginning to do the same. At least, he hoped that things will continue to improve with Alec today.

He was aware that his patient was an early riser since his room was right next to his but Alec was nowhere to be seen this morning.

He recalled Alec's 'mixed' reaction the day before. The fact that Magnus was unable to figure Alec out as he did easily with other patients disturbed him.

The man wore a thick layer of complexities tightly around his skin which made it impossible for him to peel the layers off. 

Then there were moments that he felt completely connected to his patient in ways that were beyond his own comprehension. This disturbed him too.

'I broke up with my jackass boyfriend yesterday and I'm just trying to accept that as a fact and move on' Izzy's voice brought his attention back to her.

'You deserve better Isabelle. Never settle for less.' Magnus said kindly.

'You are such darling to say this. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all this but I feel extremely comfortable around you.' Izzy exclaimed.

'It's perfectly fine Isabelle. Letting your emotions loose is part of the healing process.' 

Magnus was aware that Izzy was sharing something very personal with him and did not make light of this fact.

This made him feel inclusive and very special. It was a big deal for him because he has no family. 

Magnus' compassion touched Izzy. She smiled back at him and blurted out, 'If you were not gay I would have fallen hard for you!'

If the statement shocked Magnus, he didn't show it. He didn't even bat an eye lid.

Izzy could have found out from Maia or heard about his sexual orientation from the grape vines because unlike Alec who was closeted, he was out like an open book. He was sure Alec meant to keep his secret from the world including his family.

'You are too kind my dear Isabelle. I would have been extremely honoured' answered Magnus.

'Are you two done flirting with one another?' Alec appeared in the kitchen, arms crossed as he sat in his wheelchair like an over protective brother and putting an end to a civil and warm conversation.

Magnus did his best to change the subject, 'Good morning Alexander. Would you care for some Belgian waffles?'

'No' came the singular reply.

Alec had overheard their conversation right from the start but he was not about to reveal this to his sister nor Magnus.

Magnus was encroaching into his family space. He was becoming too close to his family. Alec's job was to protect his family. 

Magnus was only here to do a job. He was not part of the family. 

But what was he trying to protect Izzy from? What dangers or harm could Magnus possibly bring to his family?

Alec's mind was in a tumultuous mess. Deep within, he knew the answer. His family was in no kind of danger but his own heart was. Magnus was trouble for him. A damn attractive one.

'Good morning big bro' Izzy planted a kiss on her brother's head.

Magnus liked this close knitted family. He wished he had his own but he had been orphaned as a baby and was left at the doorsteps of a Catholic church where the priesthood had taken him in and cared for him. Through the vocation and life of the priests he had developed a love of care for people and had chosen to study physiotherapy.

Alec moved his wheelchair toward the countertop and tried to reach for coffee but struggled to angle his wheelchair nearer the table.

Magnus instantly took his empty mug from him, fingers lightly grazing Alec's hands as he extracted the mug from him.

Alec felt a delicious shiver down his spine and was transfixed once again by Magnus who was now pouring steaming coffee into his mug.

His hands moved with such grace and agility that Alec could not stop staring at their light movements.

'Careful Alexander, it's hot...' Magnus handed the mug back to him.

'For the umpteenth time, it's Alec for god's sake!' His attempt at anger failed and instead it made him sound helpless, needy. He blushed.

He took the mug from Magnus and again their fingers made contact and the same electric shock cruised down his spine.

Magnus took in Alec's entire physique. Under the morning light, Alec looked even more handsome with the first signs of stubble forming around his chin.

He was conscious of the fact that his heart had not stop beating wildly the second Alec entered the kitchen. His attraction to Alec was unmistakable but he knew he had to pull back for the sake of patient healer code of ethics.

'It's a great morning to take a stroll in the park. Magnus, do you think you can wheel Alec out to get some fresh air?' Izzy interrupted Magnus' thoughts.

'Of course sweetheart. That is a brilliant idea.' Magnus complied and threw his glance at an unsmiling Alec.

'Are you all just going to ignore me as if I'm not in the room? Don't forget I'm actually the head of this household!' He accentuated his hierarchy as man of the house.

Izzy rolled her eyes, 'Brother dearest, you may well be the head of the house but where your health is concern, that's Magnus' department. I'm gonna run as I'm meeting Jace to help Clary get ready for her pilot art show. Have a fun morning.'

'WAIT!' he began just as the door banged close behind Izzy.

'Looks like it's just you and me Alexander.' Magnus had the guts to say.

Alec cursed under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is certainly longer than the rest. I hope you liked it. The next one is a fun chapter for me to write but in all honesty the Malec relationship will develop ever so slowly. So I need you to be patient with me but I hope to finish the entire FF just before S3 hits the screen.


	6. Autumn Spell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished chapter 6 early because I have no time this weekend! I just want to thank each of you for your support and for being here on this journey with me. Happy reading!

It was a chilly autumn day in New York. The sun turned up the atmospheric temperature by a notch, adjusting its dial to rest in between spring and summer.

The sun god was determined to warm it's way into Idris, casting golden rays on the remaining oak leaves on soon bare trees which dotted the boulevard within Idris' grounds. 

The estate was huge. Lake Lyn which occupied a fifth of its total land size was situated next to the mansion and was the reason for Idris' main attraction. 

Specially named by the Lightwood's forefather, Jonathan, old beliefs held tales of the lake's mystical dimension that could mirror the state of one's heart by sheer changes in the water's realm. 

On Idris' estate, there were ground staff going about their work, pruning evergreen hedges, collecting dried twigs and leaves off the expanse of endless lawns. The entire estate was managed by the Lightwood's faithful caretaker, Luke Garroway. 

***

'Alright Alexander, you and I are going to take a tour of  Idris. Perhaps you could show me the magnificent ground...' Alec didn't let Magnus finish.

'I'm not in the mood to go outside. If you want a tour, Luke is the best person to ask but mind you, he is a busy man' a scowl formed on Alec face making him look grim and surly.

Magnus rolled his eyes and took control of the wheelchair's back handles and started pushing the vehicle much to Alec's chagrin.  

All in all, it took less than 5 minutes for Magnus to wheel a very reluctant Alec out the house. 

He wasn't sure how chilly the weather was outside, so he chose a comfortable white flannel throw blanket from amongst an assortment of checkered and plaid styled blankets and shawls draping the living room couches and wrapped it loosely around Alec, totally ignoring his objections. 

Once outside, Magnus stretched the length of his joints and body to ease his tension. 

He didn't particularly like to argue and was already mentally exhausted from trying to have a decent conversation with Alec.

Magnus had decided that Alexander Lightwood was the male version of Miranda in 'The Devil Wears Prada'.

'Ah.. don't you just love the smell of autumn in the air.' Magnus began his poetic overture.

'Birds in full flight bound for migration, bare trees' silhouette casting playful shadows on the ground, crisp air carrying the delicious aroma of marshmallows toasted over an open fire...'

'Magnus, are you insane???'

Magnus stopped in his tracks and stilled the wheelchair. Since his arrival at Idris, Alec had never once addressed him by his name. 

The sound of his name rolling off Alec' tongue welled up an indescribable feeling of joy within him.  

'Well, what would you rather talk about Alexander?'

Magnus stared down at his patient's head and had the urge to run his hands through his patient's unruly hair, unkempt yet undeniably appealing at the same time. 

He also noticed that Alec had not shaved today. He was very tempted to touch the new beard that he had noticed whilst they were in the kitchen and wondered how it would feel against his face.

'How about complete silence.' came the curt reply.

'Spoiled sport' mouthed Magnus making a face behind Alec shaking his head violently.

Pink's 'Fuckin Perfect' made its way to Alec's ears. He blushed deep red.

No lyrics. Just deep baritone humming. 

Magnus was clearly annoying him on purpose. 

For each bar of unsung tune, Alec heard the words in his head.

'You're so mean when you talk about yourself, you were wrong  
Change the voices in your head make them like you instead  
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it  
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game  
It's enough, I've done all I can think of  
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you are less than, less than fuckin' perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're fuckin' perfect to me'

Sarcasm. Magnus continued humming away like there weren't a single care in the world.

Great. Alec wanted to hiss out. Magnus thinks he's a sad case of depression. Probably thought he was deranged as well.

'Which part of the word silence do you not understand Magnus?' Alec was prepared to rant on.

'ALEC!' 

Magnus did stop humming. It wasn't because of Alec  but a honey haired woman with prominent features who was making her way out from a canoe in Lake Lyn.

'Lydia? What are you doing here? I thought you were in LA.' Sounding surprised, Alec was first to speak up.

Lydia was about to reply when her eyes settled on Magnus.

'Oh my goodness, you must be the infamous Magnus Bane. I have heard so much about you and your wonderful work from Maia.' She was gushing and her eyes were wide with excitement. 

'Charmed and delighted to make your acquaintance my dear.' Magnus was used to being the centre of attention so he took her hand and kissed it.

Lydia performed a curtsey and Magnus practically bowed. 

Alec, convinced that Magnus' flirtatious nature extends beyond any one particular gender decided to interrupt the ridiculous scene in front of him. 

'This is Lydia. Lydia and I grew up together. She is the daughter of Luke our caretaker who is married to Jocelyn who is also Clary's mother.' 

He strung together whatever pieces of information his head dug from the depth of his cerebrum of a brain.

'And who is Clary?' Magnus caught everything he said easily and shifted his head toward Alec but maintained his eye contact with Lydia.

'Jace's girlfriend. Lydia is a trainee nurse and Maia happens to be her mentor.' Alec clarified for Magnus.

Alec's eyes darted from Magnus to Lydia and then back to Magnus. 

He was taken aback by the social ease between his physiotherapist and the nurse and wasn't entirely  sure why this bothered him so much. 

His brain was urging him to act out of necessity to protect whom he assumed to be Lydia. 

Deep down, it bothered him more that his heart was telling him otherwise though he tried to convince his beating organ that he was doing this precisely for Lydia's good.

Alec fought for a way to break the law of attraction between them. 

'Luke told me about your accident Alec. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you are doing better now that Magnus is helping you out.' Lydia said breaking it for Alec.

'If only he would spend less time getting distracted by birds and naked trees and toasted food I should be so lucky' The second Alec blurted this out, he realised too late he was making Magnus the centre of his attention and regretted it immediately. 

He was clearly the one who needed protection from Magnus, at least his heart did.

'Well someone was clearly paying attention this morning,' Magnus flashed him a sweet smile. Alec's heart fluttered. No words came out as they stay dislodged in his throat.

'I'm visiting for a few days before returning to LA. We should get together then.' Lydia suggested.

'Yeah sure.' 'I'd like that' Alec and Magnus answered simultaneously. Magnus stared at Alec only to be glared at. 

Both set of eyes reflected each others state of confusion, which made Lydia giggle.

'Well fellas, I think it's time I head back to the guesthouse. It is truly an honour to meet you in person Magnus' Lydia bid them both goodbye.

Alec and Magnus waited until Lydia was out of sight before breaking into a debacle.

'You are such a flirt!' Alec exploded.

'Are you jealous Alexander?' Magnus teased not the least affected by his outburst. 

'What do you mean by that Magnus?'

Alec was defensive but in reality he was opening himself up to a dangerous liaison as he conjured an image of him kissing Magnus full on the mouth. 

Magnus moved toward Alec, his expression unreadable, his eyes searching the depth of the hazel that had intrigued him so much and levelled his face to his.

The intensity of Magnus' stare unsettled Alec as his breath quickened. His eyes broke their connection and he looked down only to discover Magnus' lips. 

Those glossy lips unlocked something in Alec instantaneously and made him wild with lust. He wanted to taste them, suck each petal and penetrate its opening with his tongue.

Magnus knew the affects he had on Alec and was quite sure the younger man was raw to this experience. 

His own feelings were a tempest refusing to be tamed but yet he knew he had to be the one to break the spell. 

He needed to abide by his work code. 

'I apologise Alexander. I meant you no disrespect. Let's get you back inside'. His tone had changed completely, the teasing gone.

With that, the moment was lost and its memory quickly dissipated into mere air.

Numbed, Alec let Magnus take control of his wheelchair and tried to process what had just happened. 

Silence fell as the air thickened around them, cold settling in matching their melancholic moods despite bathing in the sun's generous warmth. 

Magnus waged war against his own thoughts. What was happening here? In the past, it had been too easy for him to take advantage of the situation and let it play out. 

But Alec's vulnerability stopped him and instead he felt protective over him. He genuinely cared about this patient and his reputation. 

He wanted Alec but not like this. He yearned for his acceptance, his free will to surrender, his sincerity and openness, not this pretence play of love. He sighed. This was going to be the longest assignment of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go on, let me know what you think? Drop me a comment!


	7. The Key Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a hellish few weeks for me at work and writing #MofM so I hope Chapter 7 is worth your time! No spoilers, just read!  
> Nelly - this chapter is for you!

Magnus.

Alec could not get him out of his head no matter how hard he tried. The same scene played in his mind on endless loop. The beginning ended and the ending began. Over. And over. Again.

He closed his eyes and he would see Magnus' gaze boring into his eyes. The moment their eyes met, the space between them charged with invisible electricity, igniting a kaleidoscope of feelings.

At least, Alec knew deep down, they connected on a whole new level. Attraction was an understatement.

There was only one problem. Magnus hadn't kiss him.  
Hadn't wanted him.

The insane burning desire Alec felt surging through his veins, the aching and yearning he carried within the cavity of his heart, his closeness only inches away from Magnus all but failed to affect Magnus.

Alec was crestfallen.

Magnus stood out. He always did. Magnus drew attention wherever he went. Magnus was super attractive. He just wasn't attracted to Alec.

This one-sided infatuation weighted heavily on Alec's chest and there was nothing he could do to ease his ache.

Magnus was out. Alec was not. They were so wrong for each other. They were poles apart yet Alec never felt so right in his life. 

Alec could not remember being so alive around anyone else until he met Magnus. He was like oxygen reviving his near depleted life, a life he had plunged into not by choice.  
His mood lifted when he was around Magnus though his actions were always guarded. 

Magnus was truly magical. 

The scene played again in his mind. Over and over again. The unfulfilled feeling left him frustrated. Frustration exhausted his mind. He had to escape.

***

Magnus was putting finishing touches to his eyes. Distinct lashes beautified by mascara, he applied eye liner next and stepped back to see his work in the mirror. Satisfied that his make up was perfect, he stored his make up kit away.

Outward appearances were as important to him as how he felt inside. How he felt inside was completely  closed to the outside world, as those sacred feelings lay hidden behind layers of foundation, blusher, eyeshadows, liners and lip gloss.

He desperately wanted to right yesterday's event. He didn't want Alec to have mixed feelings about him. So he decided to take risks.

He was airing his true feelings out in the open for the first time in his life. He wanted to bare his soul for Alec. He wanted Alec to know what he felt for him was mutual.

To send a signal to Alec was one thing but to prevent Alec from coming on to him when he wanted Alec as badly as Alec did was altogether another thing. 

He had to do what was right for Alec. Afterall, Alec was his patient.

He knew if he had gone ahead and kissed him, there would be no turning back and he simply couldn't let himself destroy Alec's reputation.

He needed to be the one to keep their attraction at bay no matter how much he wanted Alec. 

While he was busy challenging his own thoughts, his hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they worked to unbutton his shirt to show off his smooth golden chest.

Magnus stilled, a third button undone when his ears caught musical notes in the air. 

He paused to listen and within seconds, recognised 'The Reluctant Heroes' being played skilfully on a piano. 

Who would be playing the piano in the mansion?

Curiosity got the better of him as he rose from his desk and headed outside. He followed his keen ear to the mastery of the fine piece which lead him down the hallway into a corner living area.

He was not prepared to behold the sight before him which made him stop in his track.

Alec had gotten out from his wheelchair and is now seated on the piano bench pouring his entire soul into the keys of the piano.

Magnus' heart caught in his chest as he leaned against the open archway of the living room, listening intently, feeling breathless, watching and being mesmerised completely by the aesthetic rise and fall of Alec's long fingers moving effortlessly over the keys of the piano as his body swayed in rhythm with the piece of music.

When the music finally ended, Magnus gave a heartfelt applaud, which made Alec whip around, clearly startled.

'Magnus... How long ... how long have you been standing there?' Alec had never played for anyone in his life.

His privacy should have felt invaded but this was Magnus. He smiled at him instead to let him know he was okay with him being here.

Magnus looked like Christmas morning standing there. Alec noticed immediately that he had made effort to dress which was unusual unless he was going out but he had a hunch it had something to do with yesterday's event.

His eyes roved everywhere admiring Magnus' beautiful countenance to his open shirt where his golden skin was exposed.

Like a Christmas present, Alec's mind began to  unwrap him.

The attraction was back.

'Long enough to discover that you are absolutely talented.' Magnus' reply stopped him from enjoying his 'present'.

'Alexander, you never cease to amaze me' the blinding smile Magnus gave Alec was going to be his undoing. 

At that moment, he noticed Magnus' dimple.

Alec knew it could only mean one thing. Magnus' smile was genuine and sincere. He wasn't putting on a mask. Not today.

Alec rubbed his bearded chin and smiled again which he was acutely aware he had been doing since discovering Magnus standing there.

Magnus noticed that Alec still hadn't shaved and decided without a doubt that he liked his beard. It made him look damn sexy and he itched to touch it.

Alec waved him over and patted on the piano bench making space for Magnus to sit and moved himself to one side.

Magnus took a deep breath and proceeded to invade Alec's space at the bench. 

As he sat down, his arms knocked into Alec's and he immediately felt a jolt of electrifying sensation down his spine.

Alec did not attempt to move away and let both his and Magnus' arm remain in contact. The warmth he felt inside of him rushed up all the way up to his cheeks.

'I've never played the piano before' Magnus focused on the row of blacks and whites in front of him though his mind was completely on Alec.

'Here.' Alec took hold of Magnus' right hand with both his hands and guided his index finger to press a key.

Magnus was only too aware of how soft and firm Alec's hands felt over his and it did crazy things to him when he visualised those hands on a particular part of his body.

'This is the middle C which is pretty much like the letter A in the alphabet'. The sound resonated with the warmth from Alec's hands and Magnus willed Alec to never let go of his hand. 

Alec moved their joint hands to the right and pressed another key.

'This is also a C but played an octave higher'. He slid their clasped hands to the left past the middle C and his body stretched further pulling Magnus' body along with him. 

He could feel his golden skin as his arms brushed across the opening of Magnus' shirt. The heat from the contact burned through his shirt.

'Another C but an octave lower?' Magnus guessed and earned a bright smile from Alexander who nodded his head. 

He mentally made a note to make it a point to make Alec smile as much as he could.

'Let's go back to the middle C and try the notes out in succession'.

Alec frayed open Magnus' palm over the first five keys, and guided his thumb to play the C key, then placed Magnus' index finger on D, middle finger on E and went back to tug at his thumb to press F, followed by the index, middle and ring fingers on keys G, A, B and finally ending on the C an octave higher with the pinky.

'That is called a scale played in C major.'

Magnus only remembered the feel of Alec' hand on his fingers and the touch, though innocent, was already making him weak in his knees and utterly and completely vulnerable. 

The air between them intensified and Alec sensed a  change in Magnus and decided to remove his hands unsure where he stood with him.

Magnus grabbed Alec's hands in his the second he tried to retract them and stared silently into Alec's eyes.

There it was again, that same look Magnus was giving him yesterday. 

That same intensity and depth that threatened to drown Alec out of his existence.

Alec didn't retrieve his hands and let them stay there.

He noticed Magnus wasn't wearing any of his rings today. 

Magnus was subconsciously circling his thumb on Alec's fingers and had no idea what his little massage was doing to Alec as he felt his sex growing behind the barriers of his clothing. 

Alec's resolve broke. He leaned in urgently to kiss Magnus, closing his eyes as he did.

His lips found a barrier instead of soft lips which he expected and wanted badly to taste.

He opened his eyes to see Magnus placing his three middle fingers on his lips. 

Magnus clearly wanted him but his defences were in those fingers which he held out to prevent Alec from advancing further.

Alec did what his brain told him to do. He started licking those fingers instead. He teased them as if to seek their permission for a passage through.

Magnus' throat went dry as his Adam’s apple moved up and down, failing terribly to control his ragged breath. The sensation was making him hard.

Alec never took his eyes off Magnus the entire time and continued to savour his fingers. His mouth found the middle finger as he slid the entire length of the finger down into his mouth.

Magnus felt the delicious feeling seeping into every single nerve in his entire body as his brain mechanically substituted the finger for a certain part of his body as he experienced Alec's mouth on it, gently sucking and his tongue wrapped tightly around it. 

The movement, sensation and gestures were too much for Magnus to handle. He pulled his finger free from Alec, panting in desperate want.

'Magnus?' Alec found his voice. He sounded unsure of himself.

'It's not you Alec. I like you and where we were heading a bit too much but we need to stop before it's too late.'

'I can't be sure if you are interested. You seem to hold back when it comes to me'. Alec said what he had wanted to say for a long time.

'Alexander, it is obvious that I feel something for you but I'm firstly here to do a job and it's against professional conduct to have a relationship with patients.'

'Are you saying that if you were not my physiotherapist we could continue?'

Magnus nodded.

'Then you are fired Magnus'.

Alec smashed his lips against Magnus' and his arms locked around him to hold him there. He needed to taste every part of Magnus' mouth.

Magnus' phone chose to ring at the very moment and Magnus broke off their kiss.

'I have to take this and no, you can't fire me Alexander because I'm the best you've got to get you back on your feet. So I won't let you kiss me again'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, you know what to do...


	8. I Want Him, I Want Him Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for being away for so long because I had to catch up with a lot of things. 
> 
> Anyway, Malec is back and be warned, this chapter is still a slow burn. For those who are asking about Alec's therapy session, we will see that in the next chapter.

Yesterday's incident created a tsunami inside Magnus' heart. 

That one kiss had shaken his entire world making him giddy and light headed. He felt like a teenager falling helplessly in love for the very first time.

Alec rocked his entire core being. His ability to dig well into the depths of his heart made him feel vulnerable. 

Being vulnerable made him feel exposed. 

Magnus was well aware of his attraction to his patient but his mind was adamant, determined to be in control, choosing logic over feeling, reminding him of his role at Idris. 

He wanted to knock his head against the concrete wall to regain his sense and sensibilities.

All because of Alexander Lightwood.

The temperamental and icy cold Alec he first met had unexpectedly transformed into prince charming.

Alec turned his world upside down. Alec coloured his grey world with the vibrancy of a rainbow. Alec demonstrated passion. Alec didn't hold anything back.

Magnus closed his eyes and remembered Alec's full kiss on his mouth. The memory of the kiss was seared at the back of his mind. Alec's lips claimed his own with burning urgency, its wetness arousing his tenderness, driving him insane with need.

He touched his own lips where Alec had sealed his fiery, hot and inviting kiss.

He wanted Alec badly, so badly it hurt. He hadn't felt so alive for a long time yet he had pushed Alec away. Had to.

Magnus didn't know how to react today.

He paced up and down in his room. He was not ready to see Alec because he didn't know how to face him.

Being restless was the last thing he needed to help Alec with his therapy. He needed to be in control of the situation.

Magnus finally stood facing the door, twisting the rings on his fingers, behaving like a nervous wreck.

His mind was a complete mess.

He continued twisting the rings on his fingers, hoping the ritual would calm his nerves down.

Instead, his heart was racing, subconsciously pining for Alec's attention, promising himself a world of possibilities.

Mind versus heart. Magnus just became his own greatest enemy.

He sighed and let out a heavy breath as he proceeded to open the door.

As the door swung wide open, Magnus walked right into Alec in his wheelchair.

The shock of seeing Alec right outside his room made him loose his balance as he tripped and felt his entire being gravitate helplessly downward onto a bemused Alec.

His hands sprawled out just in time to grab the wheelchair's armrests to stop the impact of his weight from crushing down on Alec. 

There was nothing he could do with his awkward position as his face loomed over Alec's, barely an inch away.

His breathing was erratic as he felt Alec's breath on his face, his slightly parted lips forming into a smile showing his perfect set of teeth. 

It was then he realised Alec had caught him with both his hands on his waist, steadying him. The warmth from his hands was too much to handle.

Magnus struggled to get up.

'Hey, relax, I got you. I'm sorry I startled you' Alec said carefully, clearly not in a hurry to release Magnus who was only too well aware of heat cruising through his veins.

The smile he had plastered on his face made Magnus want to kiss him there and then.

Magnus willed his thoughts away and focused on his task at hand.

'Alexander, I wasn't expecting you to come by. I was just on my way to the therapy room' he let Alec hold him a little longer.

'You were ten minutes late so I thought I should check if you were okay' Alec looked hard at Magnus.

'Why wouldn't I be okay?' Magnus went on the defensive mode as he eased himself up from the wheelchair putting distance between them.

Alec looked at Magnus in silence, his expression unreadable.

This made Magnus even more conscious of himself as he wrapped his arms around his body.

'Are you ready for your therapy Alexander?' He asked.

'Are you ready for me?' Alec retorted looking straight into his eyes.

'Of course' Magnus raised his eyebrows widening his eyes for dramatic effect.

Magnus tried not to interpret Alec's double meaning of a question as he instantly took control of Alec's wheelchair and wheel him toward the therapy room.

Even without trying, Alec had succeeded in capturing Magnus' heart and Magnus was well aware his heart was already in danger of giving in.

Therapy was going to be hot as hell.

***

Today, it was Alec who was late for therapy. Magnus knocked on his door. There was complete silence.

He knocked a little louder and waited.

Not receiving any response, Magnus panicked. He opened the door and stepped inside the darkened room.

His eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the dimness of the room as he approached Alec's bed.

He watched the rise and fall of his chest and listened to his steady breathing. 

Alec was making little snores. Magnus smiled to himself.

Magnus thought he looked adorable in his sleep. He leaned over and carefully brought his hand to touch Alec's forehead checking for signs of fever.

It felt cool. He felt relieved and began to relax. His hand swiped away a loose strand of hair to one side. 

Instead of retracting, his hand had a life of its own as it traced the side of Alec's face, caressing his cheek, feeling the smoothness of his face and in stark contrast, his rough stubble.

His fingers found their way over Alec's lips not touching but hovering above as he remembered how Alec had kissed them.

Alec began to stir. Magnus straightened himself to a standing position abruptly and cleared his throat to cover up his guilty pleasure.

'Good morning' Magnus managed to say keeping his voice steady. 

The rich overtone of Magnus' voice blended easily into Alec's world of slumber, pulling him out from the depths of sleep abyss.

Alec tried to pry open his heavy eye lids, breaking through layers of haziness as he tried to focus on Magnus' silhouette just as Magnus pried open the curtains with a dramatic force.

Bright lights blinded him instantly and he brought his hands up to shield himself from the direct sun.

Alec said something unintelligible and started to object and rolled over to the other side of his bed, pulling the cover over his head.

'Alexander, surely you don't intend to stay in bed all day long' Magnus' voice was soft, soothing, lullaby like, inviting him back to the comfort of pleasurable bliss.

Alec heard a soft purr which resonated throughout his body, making him smile.

In between sleep and awakeness, he waited to hear the melodious voice again. Magnus stood in his tracks silently watching the bewitching antics of his patient and fought the urge to lean down and kiss him.

Instead, his right hand reached out to push away another loose strand of hair that was covering Alec's forehead. The touch was light but it sent warm tingling sensation down Alec's entire spine. The purring started again and Alec's smile widened.

He was in dreamland with Magnus by his side and nothing else in the world mattered.

Magnus' resolve broke as he drew in ragged breath in awe of the sight. He stopped thinking, placed his hand on the pillow over Alec's head and leaned forward.

Magnus dared himself to plant just one kiss on his forehead.

Alec felt the movement over his head and sat bolt up.

Both heads collided in unison.

The to be kiss was immediately replaced by a pounding headache for Magnus while a confused Alec rubbed his forehead wincing in pain.

Both faces were inches apart from one another.

A startled Alec focused his eyes to see Magnus staring straight back into his own eyes.

Shocked at discovering Magnus wasn't a dream, he inched backward into the bed board abruptly.

His reaction caused the bed sheet to stray down the length of his body to reveal his toned torso. Magnus' eyes caught the movement and took in the sight of Alec making him blush deep red.

'I am sorry about that. I just meant to check if you had a temperature.' Magnus spoke trying not to gape at Alec and trying hard not to feel guilty since he only told half truth.

'Are you alright Alexander?' He asked trying not to show how much Alec had affected him.

The mere five words did something to Alec's heart.

In the past, hearing his name uttered in full would have revulsed him but the way Magnus said it had become an endearment.

Alec groaned, rubbing his eyes and his head where the pain had dulled.  
'What time is It? I'm sorry I overslept.' Alec tried to sound nonchalant though he was trying hard to control his impulse not to pull Magnus down to bed with him.

Magnus was turning his brain to mush.

Magnus looked sexy in his cotton shirt which was unbuttoned just enough to reveal his smooth chest.

The long necklaces which he wore danced playfully on his tanned skin and did things to his heart. He realised by now that this man looks good effortlessly in any attire or none.

He momentarily held an image of a shirtless Magnus and almost choked.

'Did you know you make the cutest little snores?' Magnus teased.

So that purring sound was him snoring? Alec looked appalled. 

Heat rushed to colour his cheek deep red as he tried to figure out if this effect was due to his own state of lust for his physiotherapist or the fact that Magnus had observed his most intimate nature.

Magnus was aware of the sexual tension between them, saw the desire in Alec's eyes and felt himself falling hard for him.

'I don't snore by the way'

'What? Oh...'

They held each other's smile. Alec reached out his hand in search of Magnus' and wrapped his hand over his.

Magnus heart missed a beat at the touch.

'Alexander, I like you a lot but for now, you are my patient, so I don't want to jeopardise the situation until you are completely recovered...'

Alec didn't wait for Magnus to continue as he grabbed his open shirt, pulling him toward him and wrapped his arms around his neck, his mouth seeking his in urgent fulfilment. 

He poured his soul into the kiss.

Magnus felt the passion in Alec's kiss and kissed him back for the first time, hungry and desperate.

Then he broke off the kiss, gently removing Alec's hold over him, holding both his hands in his. His eyes apologetic, he let their foreheads touch, inhaling deeply as if to savour the moment and then letting go of Alec's hands.

'We should really begin your therapy session' Magnus hated every moment of what he was doing to Alec and himself. 

He sensed Alec's disappointment and could not bear to see the hurt in his eyes.

'I'll tell you what. Let me buy you breakfast before we begin therapy'

Alec let out a frustrated sigh and nodded his head in silence.

***

Pan de' Monium is a quaint French cafe which is situated near Idris.

The French cuisine was greatly sought after in the neighbourhood so by the time Magnus had wheeled Alec the entire distance there, the eatery was already packed.

The strong aroma of french bitter coffee filled the air and delicious scent of freshly made bread tantalised their tastebuds.

Magnus manoevered Alec carefully to a table by the window. After making sure Alec was comfortably parked at their table, Magnus settled into his own seat. Alec was deep in thought and was trying to recall the last time he had stopped by a cafe let alone dine with someone special.

He drew a total blank.

Meals were eaten in his morbid oak paneled office over piles of paperwork and stacks of documents towering around him. There were of course formal dinner parties which he disliked but attended because of work.

'Alexander...' Magnus' fingers tapped him gently on his hands. It was only a slight tap but electric impulses shot down his spine as his eyes snapped up to meet dark irises.

He wanted to kiss Magnus again but knew deep down that he wanted much more than just to kiss him. 

'Sorry, my mind was on the office' he smiled at Magnus.

Magnus was intrigued at how Alec could be serious one minute but light up the next minute with his heart capturing smile. 

The homely setting of the cafe decorated in soft wood brought about an ease within Alec despite the fact that Alec is a loner and rarely dined out with anyone other than his family and work colleagues.

It should have felt awkward going for breakfast with his physiotherapist but he felt strangely comfortable and at home with Magnus.

A pretty waitress with extremely short skirt and low cut shirt came by to take their order.

'Hi darling, ready to order?' She flashed Magnus a bright smile and was thrusting her body forward to capture Magnus' attention. Alec felt deja vu all over again as the scene unfolded in front of him reminding him of their recent encounter with Lydia.

Magnus attracted attention without even trying. Not that Alec cared because Magnus was really quite magical, magnificent and magnetic.

Alec sat scowling in his wheelchair, dark mood forming like storm clouds over his face as he watched Magnus flirt.

He was practically jealous of the attention Magnus was giving to the waitress and realised with a start how much he wanted Magnus.

'I'll have the fruit salad and your best French coffee.' Magnus winked flashing a bright smile while handing the menu back to the waitress who was obviously enjoying flirting with Magnus. 

'What about your pretty boy?' she asked casually while jotting down Magnus' order in her note pad.

Alec choked.

"I am not... We are not... ' taken aback, Alec struggled to reply.

'Really? The way you looked at him could have fooled me.'

'I'll just have tea and toast please" Alec blurted out changing the subject.

The waitress gave another bright smile to Magnus, took the menu from Alec without so much giving him a look and went about their orders.

Alec avoided facing Magnus by running his hands through his ruffled hair and busied himself looking outside at a scenery where a couple was walking hand in hand, laughing and sharing an ice cream cone oblivious to their surrounding.

'Well, that was awkward'' Magnus widened his eyes and shook his head from side to side.

Alec was not prepared to deal with his sexual orientation in public and all kinds of alarm bells went off his head.

'Look, I'm not about to expose myself in public. I have an image to uphold. You were right to stop this thing, this attraction, whatever we were experiencing. It's just the spur of the moment and besides nothing happened.' Alec spoke in low tones.

The sudden change in Alec tore Magnus' heart.

He drummed his fingers on the table, drawing to conclusion quickly that Alec was not willing to be out in the open, despite his attraction to Magnus.

But it also meant that Magnus was not worth the risk.

The feeling of dejection hit him hard as he forced himself to smile at Alec. He chose his words carefully.

'Like I said, my only goal is to make sure you are back on your two firm feet. That was the reason why the center sent me. Now that our situation is clarified, I know where I stand so you have nothing to worry about and your secret is safe with me.'

Alec regretted immediately how carelessly he had treated Magnus by selfishly trying to protect himself in public.

'Look Magnus...' Alec was torn between wanting Magnus and pushing him away. Yet deep down, he knew he needed to determine the kind of relationship he wanted to establish with Magnus. 

'You don't have to say anything more, let's remain civil and just enjoy our breakfast.' Magnus' smile did not mask the fact that his melodious voice was now gone.

The now all professional look on Magnus' face sealed the fate. Crestfallen, realisation sunk into Alec that Magnus had already made that decision for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and your support. Drop me a comment to let me know what you think. Happy holidays and have a great Christmas with loved ones Xx


	9. Grumpy Alexander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been so busy and apologise for the long wait but here is Chapter 9 finally : ) Are you all excited we don't have to wait long for #Shadowhunters S3?

He loves me, he loves me not. I love him, I love him not.  
He loves me...

Clover leaves dotted the stone pavement of the mansion courtyard overlooking the marble fountain, plucked from the hands of one listless Magnus.

He lost count of the number of times he had repeated the ritual of seeking answers from a tiny shrub, believing that his fate was determined by it.  
It was his time off from Alec's therapy. Sometimes, he would take long walks in the massive garden, thinking and reconstructing his past.  
Being bisexual and without a family had not been easy for him. At the priesthood where he grew up, he had discovered he could not conform to the standards of the church, often getting into trouble because of his free willing nature.

As a result, he did not have the opportunity to discover himself and stayed suppressed until he was old enough to leave their care. 

Even so, he was in and out of relationships, never taking them seriously until he met Camille who eventually destroyed him and betrayed his trust. After giving her his entire heart, she left him.

With Alec, there was something about his genuineness and innocence that appealed to him, the way he looked at him, his fierce demonstration of duty and his willingness to invest in his trust that made him attracted to him.

He was torn between pushing him away and encouraging him to pursue their enamoured desire.

The emotional conflict attacked his heart with the brutal force of insanity. 

Magnus was stuck with his patient no matter what his state of heart was in. In fact, he wasn't even sure if he knew the answer.

*** Look, I'm not about to expose myself in public. ***

Like day and night, they were complete opposites.

*** I have an image to uphold. ***

Alec was closeted, hiding from the world. Magnus could not bear to live behind closed doors, imprisoned by the fear of societal judgement and discrimination.

*** You were right to stop this thing, this attraction, whatever we were experiencing. ***

Why does it hurt so much listening to the echoes of Alec's confrontation?

*** Besides nothing happened. *** 

Nothing happened? 

Alec's ultimate confession broke his heart. 

Those kisses had meant nothing to him.

He could not afford to let Alec pull at his heart strings no matter how much he wanted him. Those kisses had meant everything to him.  
He needed to create distance between them, put up barricades to shield his heart from daggers laced with lethal words designed to stop his heart from beating. 

Alec's wanting him had his heart soaring high above the heavens initially only to be brought down with a blow when he realised Alec had chosen to be in the shadows. 

Magnus had been disappointed and hurt but then they were not even in any kind of relationship for him to judge him.

Magnus was angry at himself for letting his guard down, falling for New York's most powerful, eligible and 'damn those good looks' bachelor.

Therapy sessions were kept at a too perfect level of civility that made Alec feel extremely guilty, helpless and frustrated all at the same time.  
Magnus worked with him meticulously, his golden silence broken only by occasional communication to regulate his exercise regime.  
The lacklustre situation was beginning to make Alec weary. The message was crystal clear. Magnus was no longer talking to him. No longer interested in him.

Alec worked extra hard putting in genuine efforts and pushing his limits. He would do anything to have Magnus back to his normal self.  
His determination to heal was propagated by a single force. Magnus.

He endured pain to earn Magnus' approval. He pushed his limits to gain Magnus' praise. He overcame physical challenges in hope to see the satisfied smile on Magnus' face.

He missed his carefree nature, his killer smile, the way he moved fluidly like living art, his teasing, his cute smirk, the way he strung words like a string of beautiful pearls, voice that had the ability to strike a chord in him.

He lost Magnus somewhere between an uptight pretence front and a physical closeness that felt too far away. 

He didn't know what to do or say. He was never good with words and was even worse at apologies.

Deep down, he knew he had to do something before he looses Magnus altogether. 

Magnus was determined to pour cold treatment by acting like Alec was just another patient. 

But it was hard to stay mad at Alec when those pitiful hazels continue to haunt him at night.

The sooner he got Alec back to his feet, the faster he intended to part ways with his patient and move on with his life.

***

Magnus walked into his workplace to drop off his report on Alec's progress which he did every Friday.  
Maia the Head of the Wellness Centre was there to greet him. 'So, is Mr Lightwood's recovery going according to plans?' She was always straight to the point and the reason why Magnus liked and respected her.  
'Yes, I guess so. I can't wait to return back to the Centre though.' Magnus' eyes showed exasperation, dramatised by his application of black eyeliner.

Maia raised an eyebrow, an unspoken cue for Magnus to continue. He sighed deeply shaking his head from side to side and rolling his eyes, 'You know, Alexander can be quite head strong, obstinate, irrational and overbearing at times but other than that his physical progress is excellent as evidenced in the report which I just filed for your review.' 

Maia gave him a knowing smile, 'I must say you are progressing very well if you are on first name basis.'  
Caught off guard, his elbows slipped on a stack of tall pile of neatly filed paperwork that he was leaning on, causing all the documents to fall onto the floor. 

In horror, he pointed down to the paper chaos sprawled across the floor. 'I better get these sorted if I am going to make it back in time for Alexander's session'. 

Squatting down he looked up at Maia who was still waiting for his answer. He shrugged his shoulders waving a finger in the air.  
'I wouldn't go so far as to go down that train of thoughts of yours.'  
Maia shook her head but chose not to say anything else seeing that Magnus was now concentrating very hard to clean up the mess he had just created.

***

'Where the hell is he?' 

Alec was impatient today. He knew Magnus had to file his paperwork but he was later than usual. 

Alec can't seem to get Magnus out of his mind. 

After the breakfast he had with Magnus at the Pan de Monium, their conversations had only evolved around Alec's therapy routine and exercises.  
Alec was miserable and he missed Magnus. He didn't want to deal with Magnus the physiotherapist. 

He craved for Magnus' attention, longed to see Magnus smile and hear his light hearted laugh. Instead, Magnus had kept up the charade a little too well and stayed at his side of the fence.

The door to the Idris mansion flew open and in came Magnus. 

Alec was in his wheelchair parked right in the middle of the foyer and he glared as Magnus walked in, arms folded. 

Magnus cursed silently. His distancing Alec had worked a little to well.

Alec looked formidable and the dead silence was enough to disarm even Magnus. 

He was reminded that this man is after all the Head of Mortar Industries and a ridiculous vision rose to his mind where he saw himself bowing down in true Japanese customary fashion in front of Alec as a sign of deep respect for a leader.  
He dismissed it instantly and forced himself to deal with the situation.

 

Magnus walked nonchalantly toward Alec. 

His eyes didn't wander as they stay glued to Alec as he read his patient's rather antagonistic body language.

He dared to give Alec a smile, hoping to charm Alec into overlooking his absence.

He was thirty minutes late.

The nerve of his physiotherapist. Second time late this week. 

'I suppose someone needed your help with paperwork or your expert opinion again or perhaps, you are forgetting your priorities?'  
Words like arrows came hurling out. Magnus sighed. He was dead tired and not in a mood for banter. 

'Guilty as charged. I offer no apologies since our service terms stipulate that in times of emergency, we may alter the time of treatment. I didn't cancel on you Alexander. I had to stay back to sort out some mixed up paperwork.' 

It was as close to honest truth he had supplied to Alec as the reason for his delay.

'Well don't just stand there. Get going! I don't have all day and I have business proposals to review all afternoon.'  
The old grumpy Alec was back along with his temper.

If things had changed it was that Alec had immersed himself totally in his work spending considerable amount of time in his study when he was not in therapy sessions. 

As a result, Magnus did not get to see him as often and he welcomed the avoidance given their circumstances.  
Without haste, Magnus pushed Alec's wheelchair into the training room that was specially designed for his treatment. 

'Lets start with gentle exercises before we work on leg raises and strength training.'

Alec heard the sadness in Magnus' voice and it broke his heart.  
He hated himself for causing Magnus pain but didn't know how to reign in his temper. 

He desperately wanted to fix the situation between them but didn't know how.  
When it came to relationship, it made him vulnerable and it scared him as he has never been in one.

His whole life had been about following rules and discharging his responsibilities because it was the only safe haven for him with the sole purpose of providing and keeping the family together. He shut everything else out.  
Magnus worked quietly massaging Alec's calves as his skilled hands worked through the layers of muscles. He could feel the muscles toning up nicely. 

The next critical step would be for Alec to get out from his wheelchair and attempt the neurological physiotherapy using the walking bars. His upper body was already in great shape and would aid in the recovery process. 

Alec kept his eyes on Magnus the entire time. He noticed that his hair was styled high creating soft, loose and textured look. He wanted to run his fingers through his every strand of hair. 

Being near Magnus made him feel safe, calm and complete. He needed him in ways he could not comprehend.  
'Alexander, I'm going to need you to cooperate with me on your next routine. I think you are ready to work the walking bars.' Magnus said with full assurance.

'Are you sure Magnus?' Alec didn't have the confidence.

He had called him by his full name today.There was uncertainty in his voice but the mere mention of his name was Alec's way of showing that he trusted him. 

'Yes Alexander. I'm not going to let you fall.' He gave him what he needed to hear.

Magnus' sincerity touched his heart and the first piece of his protective walls began to crumble. 

When Magnus smiled, the rest of the wall came crushing down.

'Ready?'

Magnus faced Alec and positioned both Alec's hands on his shoulders.

Alec could feel Magnus' warm breath on his neck. He liked his closeness, needed him close.

His hair brushed lightly on his face sending tingling sensation down his spine. 

Magnus placed both his arms around Alec's back and clasped his arms tightly together. 

Alec felt all the air inside of him gush out. Magnus held Alec close to his body and lifted. 

Wrapped in Magnus' embrace felt good, felt right but he forced himself to concentrate on the task at hand. 

Alec was standing now but his legs began to wobble and shake violently. Sweat of perspiration broke out and formed on his temple.  
'Alexander, don't look down, look at me. Lean on me. You're doing great' Magnus was in control.  
'I'm not going to let go of you.' 

Alec stifled a laugh or cry, he wasn't even sure. He was putting his entire trust on Magnus. All manner of fear and uncertainty dissipated.  
Alec wrapped himself tighter around Magnus.

Magnus guided him carefully toward the walking bars, taking a back step and pulling Alec forward like a slow waltz.  
'Remember what I taught you. Find your balance and maintain your position. Next, I want you to concentrate on your leg muscles and move your left foot forward Alexander' Magnus instructed gently. 

Alec focused hard on flexing his leg muscles to control his leg movement and willed his muscles to do the work.  
As if by the miracles of Magnus, his left foot moved forward. 

He had just taken his first step.

His body still against Magnus' in close proximity made him feel raw as deep emotions surfaced.  
He felt wetness on his face as tears flowed down his face. The feeling overpowered him and he began to sob.  
'I got you Alexander, I got you.' Magnus whispered into his ear. 

He held him there between sobs as his own heart started to beat and feel for Alec.  
A lump formed in his throat but he swallowed it for Alec's sake.

'I'm sorry, I don't ... I can't ... can't control them. They.. the tears... they just flowed.'

'You are doing great Alexander. You are a great patient. You should be proud of your achievement today' pride filled Magnus' heart.  
He broke his hold around Alec and raised one hand up toward Alec's face while the other stayed around Alec's waist to steady him.  
His fingers cupped the side of Alec's face as his thumb gently wiped away the tears that were running down his cheek. 

Alec closed his eyes momentarily. Magnus' hand on his face, his thumb running across his cheeks calmed him immediately.  
When he opened them, their eyes locked gaze. Alec felt as if time stood still. 

He took another step. Magnus' hands were back in a locked hold behind his back giving him full assurance. 

Magnus smiled at him. The soft lines that formed the creases on Magnus's eyes captivated him as he found himself drowning in dark irises.  
Mesmerised, Alec did not feel Magnus' hands leave his back and were now holding both his hands and placing them on the walking bar. His heart was pounding hard and it felt like they were leaping out from his rib cage. 

'You are standing on your own. Use your hands to grip on the bars on each side to steady yourself. I'm just going to take one step away from you to give you room to work'. 

The minute Magnus withdrew from his personal space, Alec panicked. It must have registered on his face because Magnus stepped back in and placed both his hands on top of Alec's hands on the bar handles.

Their warmth settled him again, calming his nerves.

'Let's try this again. I want you to look straight at me and walk towards me.' Magnus' voice pulled at his heart.  
Magnus' withdrawn hands were replaced by cool air around him. He shivered slightly.

'Alexander' the sound of his name on Magnus's lips was the strength he needed not to break as he took his first independent step forward.  
Magnus was on guard, careful to make sure that Alec does not slip.

"Very good'. 

This time I'm going to stand at the end of the railing. I want you to focus but take all the time you need.'

Alec was picturing a wedding. His wedding, where Magnus was his husband to be.  
He needed the motivation to get to where Magnus stood.  
He was not going to let himself feel guilty over what Magnus doesn't know.

 

Magnus was clearly impressed by Alec's sheer determination. Finishing at the end of the line, Alec collapsed into Magnus' embrace. 

Magnus caught him in his arms and held him tight. Many thoughts passed through his mind. They stood there for an eternity, both bodies interlocked in urgent embrace, both souls enveloped in utter silence. Neither wanted to pull apart, neither wanted to break the silence.  
It was at this point that Magnus knew he was in love with Alec and Alec needed him. It was good to feel needed. 

The door of the training room opened suddenly to reveal Jace who was taken completely by surprise over the scene in front of him. 'What just happened?' 

Limbs untangled and the physical connection was finally broken. Magnus mouthed something which never materialised as realisation hit Jace and he ran back out the room shouting on top of his voice. 

'Alec is out...!' Both men froze. Magnus didn't know where to look. 'Out of his wheelchair!!! Come see!!!' Alec cursed silently at his brother's impeccably timed interruption. 

***

Watching the Lightwoods gather around Alec celebrating his breakthrough in therapy was both liberating and satisfying. 

But there was something else Magnus was feeling that he could not quite place his finger on.  
There is a foreign emotion caged in his heart, unable to find release. 

Izzy had wrapped her hands lovingly around her brother's neck from behind the couch. Jace sat on a low stool directly in front of Alec and Max had propped himself on Alec's lap.

The scene was touching, one filled with an abundance of love, joy and happiness, all of which were in complete conflict with Magnus' own suppressed emotions of sorrow, fear and desolation. 

Only then did he realise that he was witnessing the most powerful force in the world - the act of love. 

This family just proved how much love can exist in the world. Deep down, he wished he had a family of his own. 

Through the years spent at the church though cared for and taught by the priests, he always felt something was amiss in his life.  
Deep sadness washed over him as his heart became heavy and constricted in pain. He panicked when his peripheral vision became clouded, his tears threatening to flow. 

Alec had been watching Magnus amidst excited sibling chatter. 

He wanted to call out to Magnus but Magnus seemed miles away, deep in thought. 

There was an absent look on his face. He felt the urgency to reach out to him but was interrupted by Izzy. 

'Oh Alec, I'm so proud of you Big Bro!' Isabelle could not contend her joy of the fact that her brother is beginning to use his legs again.  
'Don't get overly excited Izzy. I'm not exactly walking independently as yet but I'm getting there.' His eyes sought out Magnus who was still standing at the other corner of the living area. 

'For that I have Magnus to thank.' Alec said a little louder so that Magnus could hear him. 

At the mention of his name, Magnus snapped out from his dream world and faced to the Lightwoods' direction. 

His face transformed into a smile which accentuated the creases of his eyes causing his eyes to squint a little. 

Alec thought how this made him look so beautiful and wondered if he will ever have the chance to touch his face.

Alec had just given him due credit and recognition for his efforts. He had done this in front of his entire family and for some reason this caused Magnus' heart to well up with joy. 

'Well,' he swung one hand around, finger tipping upward, shifting his body to an angle, he stretched out both hands with open palms. 

'Alexander did all the hard work and is a very good patient'. His movements were so light and fluid. An image popped in Alec's mind, one of angelic sculpture, designed to entice man and wondered how Magnus would look like if wings should sprout out from behind him. 

He was completely smitten and knew his heart was already in danger of falling in love with Magnus.  
'Magnus is being modest but our brother here on the other hand is a pain in the butt'.

Pouring cold water over practically every situation happens to be Jace's expertise. An unamused Alec glared at Jace, at his effortless ability to steal the moment and turning things from colour to black and white, though he knew his brother meant to tease not discredit him. 

Jace smiled cheekily back at an exasperated Alec who suddenly reached out both hands to grab hold of Jace's hair and ruffled them into an unruly mess. 'HEY!!!' Jace tried to defend himself but to no avail.

'Does this mean you can play ball with me soon?' an excited Max held on to Alec's shoulders at the sudden jerk forward in order not to fall off his brother's lap. 

Magnus traced the outline of Alec's countenance with his eyes. 

He really liked this side of Alec when he wasn't being grumpy. 

His thoughts went back to the event inside the training room. To see Alec's resolve crumple was something he had etched into his memory because it had been a sacred moment only he had been allowed to bear witness to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, so you might ask what's next for Alec now that he is beginning to walk? Stay around to find out in the next chapter. Also let me know what you think about Chapter 9. Xx


	10. Love Like This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have not been updating #MoM for awhile. I apologise for the long spell. Life can be so tough sometimes. Anyway, this is my first attempt in writing well... intimate stuff (blushes). I really hope I make sense. Read away anyway!

Time had opened up a passage of heartfelt moments, precious sensation of pure happiness, a feeling so foreign to Magnus yet in a heartbeat, it risked being tossed into an abyss of lost memories. 

Magnus was mentally trying to close his abyss. 

His eyes showed determination, capturing every single scene of Alec's miraculous recovery and safeguarding them in the protective chambers of his heart.

He closed his eyes and his senses sharpened at the memory of their warm bodies wrapped in tight embrace. The feeling was inexplicable. A mixture of excitement, pride, want and desire all moulded into the essence of being simply a man, a bisexual in need. 

A torrent of mixed feelings assaulted the depths of his core being. Realisation hit him as he recognised that changes were beginning to overshadow his past. He felt a great weight lifted off his chest as if set free, released from the bondage of atrocity and old pain. 

Will anything good come from pursuing Alec? Camille was a huge disappointment. Alexander on the other hand ... he just wasn't sure.

Light footsteps startled him from behind. Alec had just walked through the open sliding glass door which framed the living room. Facing Magnus, he slid the glass panels closed using one of his hands cutting off the conversation flow of his siblings inside and giving them privacy. 

His other hand applied pressure on a walking cane which he had every intention of getting rid off as soon as he became stronger.

'I thought you might be in the garden. It is after all your favourite place in Idris.' Alec said what came to mind but not what he desperately wanted to say. 

He wanted to say so many things but words often fail him when he is at the height of his emotional turmoil as his habitual stammers would take over causing him to be self conscious and making him completely vulnerable.

Magnus looked at Alec, saw his immediate discomfort and smiled at him to ease him off the undue stress he was applying on himself and the pressure to converse in a manner he wished to but could not. It worked immediately as Alec began to relax and reciprocated his smile. 

They held each other's gaze in the dead silence of the night, with gentle breeze blowing cool air playfully within the space they shared to form invisible billowing waves which reached the shore of their hair teasing each strand in a nostalgic overture. 

Seconds passed as they stood still not realising the temperature around them has dropped further. The only thing they were aware of was the warm intensity of their eye contact and their heart beating in rhythm.

'Magnus'

'Alexander' 

The silent interlude was finally interrupted by the simultaneous utterance of each other's name. They paused, each wanting to give way for the other to speak first which caused further awkward silence to ensue but Magnus' unexpected sneeze brought them out of their reverie.

Alec wasted no time shedding his leather jacket and instinctively wrapped his favourite outer wear around Magnus' shoulders. The warmth enveloped Magnus immediately as if Alec himself was hugging him. 

Musky scent enveloped him and the softness of the material clung comfortably on his body awaking his subconscious thoughts as he was lead helplessly down dream world where synapses and neurones conjured up intimate images of him doing shameless things with Alec. He swallowed hard and pushed those visions away by looking away from Alec.

The minute Alec saw Magnus turning away, his heart sank as he interpreted Magnus' action as rejection. He needed to contain his true feelings which were in total chaos and at the verge of erupting and chose to shove both hands into his pockets, his cane tossed aside on the ground.

He reigned in torrents of mixed feelings and unrequited desires. The experience was both raw and new to him. He was desperate to win over the approval of the one who stood before him. Nothing had mattered more in his life.

If in the past, he was used to take charge of situations, being in control, having all the answers, he was now loosing it, feeling lost and vulnerable and there was nothing he could do except accept defeat.

This yearning and pining for Magnus' attention and affection made him completely helpless.

Magnus noticed Alec's mood change immediately. 

'Alexander, I should go since it is getting late. I don't want you to catch a cold'. Magnus spoke in a concerned tone. His eyes sought out the greens in Alec's as he hoped they would offer him comfort and assurance. But comfort and assurance for what exactly?

'I... I want to...' He was going to thank Magnus properly. He drew in a deep breath and tried again.

'I want to thank you for all that you have done. You held your end of the bargain by proving me wrong and helped me gain the use of my feet even tough I had my doubts initially. I didn't make things easy for you and may not have been the best of patients.' 

Magnus raised his eye brows.

'Okay, I was a real pain in the butt' came Alec's open apology.

Magnus did chuckle now. His smile totally disarmed Alec and he had a sudden urge to pull Magnus close and kiss him. His heart started to race and he was aware of his growing attraction. 

It was Alec's turn to swallow hard but his eyes could not leave Magnus' countenance. 

'You weren't so bad Alexander. I had faith in you right from the start. I am glad to have you as my patient.' 

Magnus was conscious of the fact that they were both keeping conversation but neither of them was any closer to exposing the real matters of their heart. 

Magnus was torn between giving in to his heart and protecting his patient. The choices were clear. He knew he had to make a decision and proceeded to execute a quick exit.

'Well, goodbye Alexander. I hope you will be able to fulfil your destiny with both feet planted firmly on the ground now that my work here is finally done.' 

He took one final look at a stunned Alec trying to memorise all the lines and contours of his patient's face. 

This one was far too precious for him to keep for himself and to be part of his tainted life which he had kept hidden all his life. He needed to protect him, not waste him.

Magnus started to move and walk away afraid that he would change his mind. He had only taken a step away when his hand was seized by a strong grip.

Magnus froze.

'Stay'.

It was not a request.

Alec held on to Magnus' arm. He wanted answers to a lot of things he felt he was not entitled to ask. But he was not about to loose this caring and beautiful soul who had been there during his low points in life, who refused to give up on him and carried him through his dark days. 

'Please stay the night Magnus'. Alec had closed his eyes and was pouring every ounce of his fear, need and hope into his voice.

Magnus heard every single word, felt each emotion and his chest began to tighten and knot in pain.

The hand tugged harder and whipped Magnus around. 

The Alec standing before him was now transformed. He showed boldness and determination. 

Magnus thought he would be the one to control the outcome of their fate but was clearly wrong. 

'Alexander, what are you doing?' he whispered, afraid of what he would hear but at the same time holding his breath in anticipation. 

'I want to kiss you Magnus. This whole time, I had dreamed of doing this again for far too long' Alec did not wait for an answer and brought his mouth down on soft lips. 

The touch ignited a desire so insatiable that the kiss deepened instantly in search of fulfilment. 

It was like drinking sweet nectar that left you wanting more. 

Alec savoured. He took. He conquered. 

Magnus framed Alec's face with both his hands and leaned in pressing his body that fitted perfectly with Alec's. 

Magnus tasted. He gave. He yielded.

There was a feeling of completeness, an unspoken exchange of knowledge that the moment was exactly right, perhaps struck by an unseen cupid who had opened their eyes to the undeniable truth, a realisation that they deserve to love and to be loved as they remained wrapped in lovers' embrace.

The sliding door opened noisily. 

Three heads appeared with various expression on their faces. 

Jace's was one of surprise, eyes widened in a state of shock and a gaping mouth. Izzy was all smiles indicating that perhaps she knew and was clearly giving her approval as she nodded her head in great satisfaction. The youngest Lightwood's expression was priceless as he yelled 'WOW' to which Jace quickly shielded his brother's eyes with his palm. 

***

'Are you sure you want to take the stairs?' Magnus asked, his hand interlocked with Alec's. Now that all his siblings knew, Alec felt free to be himself for the very first time in his entire life. 

'I miss my own bedroom and it's about time that things went back to normal'. Alec knew however things were never going to be the same. 

He just came out of the closet and there is no going back. He didn't even have time to think and he wasn't sure what to expect next. 

He had no plan.

'Why don't you go inside while I get changed downstairs. I will come back up shortly.' Magnus gave Alec a quick kiss on his cheek and turn for the stairs. 

Alec smiled. He was enjoying all the attention Magnus was showering on him.

A few minutes later, Magnus stood outside Alec's room carrying a tray containing a pot of tea and some fruits. Sprigs of rosemary which sat in a tiny vase add an interesting scent to the aromatic jasmine brew. 

His hands combed through his hair just to make sure for the tenth time his hair was perfect. He paused for a few seconds before knocking on the door. He felt like a eager school boy waiting to claim his reward for doing well on a test.

'Come in' he heard Alec answer from within the room. He opened the door while balancing the tray in the other hand.

'I thought some tea would do us both good and I also brought some fruits.'

Alec took in Magnus' attire. He had changed his clothes and was wearing a collarless shirt the colour of midnight blue and there were silver sequins bursting out in a swirl of waves tracing down the length of the garment ending at the base of the shirt to form a zig zag pattern.

Alec was impressed. He gestured Magnus to sit and watched him place the tray on the side table beside him. 

Alec was resting in a sit up position in bed and tried to remove the flannel blanket he had around him. 

Magnus did not hesitate to take control of the situation, unwrapping Alec like a Christmas present, feeling the warm energy emitting from between the folds of the blanket. He fought the urge to bury his face in the blanket and inhale his scent.

'I'm not hungry. I need a shower first.' Alec said as Magnus started to pour a cup of now fully infused jasmine tea. The soft scent filled the entire room. Alec grabbed the tea and sipped the hot concoction carefully. 

'Let me help you.' Alec almost choked and almost covered Magnus in a spray of flaming liquid.

'No!' Panic rose inside Alec. 

'Relax Alexander. I only meant to help you get out of bed and safely into the bathroom. The walk up the stairs has worn you out' Magnus rolled his eyes. 

Alec knew he was blushing and prayed that it did not show. 

'Of course. Thank you.' Magnus' smile warmed him and did funny things to his heart.

'I'll be right outside the door waiting in case you need me' said Magnus firmly.

Being in Magnus' arms again felt comfortable and safe. When they reached the door, Alec did not wait to let himself into the bathroom. 

In his haste, he struggled to close the door behind him. Magnus leaned in to help him shut the door and their eyes met momentarily. 

The kiss was still fresh in their minds but neither of them spoke. Alec shut the door tightly.

Magnus placed both hands on the door and pressed his forehead against the wooden panel. He stayed there listening for Alec, just in case he needed his help.

On the other side of the wooden door, Alec leaned his back against the door breathing heavily. He started to undress himself peeling off his shirt revealing his six packs and toned abdomen. He removed the rest of his clothing and stood stark naked on the floor.

His hand reached for the shower hose and turned the knob to run the water and adjusted the heat temperature. He let the pressure from the water source ease away every single tension in his body.

Magnus heard the water run and let out a soft sigh. He envisioned a naked Alec in the splendour of his masculine body.

His resolve was pushed near breaking point as his thoughts fashioned an image of a wet and wild Alec under the running water, his hair completely drenched and falling unruly about his face, his entire body glistening with silver droplets and his manhood displaying boldly.

He was very conscious of the fact that the only thing that is keeping him at bay was the wooden door that separated them.

Alec's thoughts were as tumultuous as a great tempest that was impossible to calm. He may have succeeded in keeping Magnus with him tonight but he wanted more, much more from Magnus. There could be so many possibilities for them.

Yet his inner voices were staging a heated debate. The one with the imaginary forked tail approved and defended his desire to bone while the one with a golden halo objected and questioned his motives.

He started soaping himself mechanically and mentally weighed the pros and cons. 

The voices continued to pull his thoughts in opposite directions. 

He was done thinking. Enough. He banished the voices as a judge would when he brought the invisible hammer down. It was time for him to make a judgement call.

At the back of his mind, Alec was well aware of his physical desires for Magnus but was torn between letting loose and refraining from the garden of eden. He had come a long way. He has finally revealed to his family that he is gay and the fact that he was very attracted to Magnus.

But was he ready to reveal his true identity to the people in his company, to his board and the rest of the world? How would people react around him? Would it affect how they feel about him? 

Would any of this affect Magnus in anyway and in turn cause mayhem to their relationship? But wait, he was putting the cart before the horse because nothing had happened. Yet. 

He wanted to believe that whatever took course was in the best interests of both Magnus and himself though he was clearly aware that there were potential risks involved that could jeopardise their careers and reputation. 

In the end, his heart ruled his head and the fork tailed imaginary counsellor stood victorious. He quietened his thoughts for a moment but knew that he should rule in favour of the one with the halo. 

He rinsed his body clean off all foams and let the water run down his entire body. All he could think of right now was what it would feel like to kiss Magnus on the lips again, his face, his neck, his belly, his entire body ... 

A certain part of his body was beginning to feel hard. He wondered how Magnus' mouth will feel on his cock. He's never been with anyone before though he had a few casual encounters in the past. 

Absently, his hand reached out to retrieve the towel on the rail to dry off and froze. He had forgotten to bring it with him. He looked at the closed door wondering what to do.

'Alexander, I believe you have left your towel out here so I'm coming in to hand it to you.' Magnus called out that very instant as if he had wilfully timed his interruption.

Alec had no time to object and moved as swiftly as his legs could advance him toward the door to prevent Magnus from opening it but the door swung open just as he reached it.

As Magnus pushed open the wooden frame, Alec sprang around immediately to cover himself. He was well aware his other assets were showing.

'Here' Magnus extended the towel to Alec but did not leave. His eyes were feasting on the brazen sculptor appreciating every single layer of exposed skin. Shamelessly.

Alec took the towel and wrapped it around his waist and turned around to face Magnus.

Magnus took a step closer invading Alec's personal space, making him feel short of breath. His eyes were momentarily drawn to Alec's lips before staring into the depth of his green eyes.

His hands however had a mind of their own, reaching down below. One tug and the white soft material became free. 

Alec gasped, his eyes widened in shock but he made no attempt to stop Magnus. Beads of sweat broke out, now mingled with fresh shower as he stood in a trance.

'Magnus, what are you doing? ' Alec managed, his voice rasp and unsteady but he didn't want Magnus to stop whatever he was going to do to him.

Their eyes held on to each other's stare and the familiar exchange of mutual trust and obvious want was evident. 

'Alexander, has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?' It was music of adoration hitting high notes to Alec's ears.

Magnus brought up the towel to dry Alec's face, pressing the fluffy material gently on his forehead and working around his face.

Alec's neck was his next target area as he reached out one hand to cup under his chin while turning his face to one side, exposing the side of his long neck. 

The towel quickly absorbed the wetness there to reveal a faint pulse under the skin. Magnus had to unlatch his thoughts from wanting to kiss him there and marking him with love bites. He distracted himself quickly by working the other side of Alec's neck.

Both Magnus' hands were now flattened on the towel that was laid wide across the broadness of Alec's chest as he slid the material downward ever so slowly. 

The action was innocent enough but the friction applied by the pressure of hand movements felt insanely sensuous and drove Alec crazy with want. 

Alec tried to keep still as Magnus continued to dry his body parts inch by inch. Magnus made sure he covered every single surface area working outward on the two arms, admiring the rippling muscles as he towelled them expediently and deliberately tracing the outline of his six packs and down his toned abs. 

Alec's breathing quickened as he became full aware that Magnus was moving further down to his abdomen which constricted against his touch as he let out a suppressed gasp. 

His throat was already dry, deprived of oxygen and his breathing became erratic. Alec struggled to keep his will in order not to loose control of himself. 

Magnus who was now kneeling in front of Alec was looking up at him intently, his eyes lit up in anticipation, his hands stilled as he let the towel rest at the waistline.

Alec was completely bewitched. Then for a split second, he pulled Magnus to a standing position and claimed Magnus' mouth. The act was so abrupt, it caused Magnus to drop the towel. Alec didn't seem to care. Magnus didn't wait to match his needs.

The kiss was a total bliss because neither party held back. Magnus opened his mouth wider to allow Alec's tongue to invade his own. Desire cruised through his veins with each entry as he let out a contented moan which only encouraged Alec on. 

This was incentive enough for Alec to explore every single sensitive spot his tongue could reach just to fulfil Magnus' desire. He boldness grew as he allowed himself to penetrate deeper into the heated wet cave.

Alec's hands found the front of Magnus' shirt as he started to unbutton it with urgency. Magnus let the open shirt hang free. The partially undressed state of Magnus made him look so sexy Alec did not waste any time kissing him on the neck, chest, open shoulders and sought Magnus' mouth again.

Magnus' hands began to move again, exploring Alec's taut muscular frame, enjoying his dominion over Alec as he sent him into pleasurable exhilaration by the sheer ministration of his hands.

Breaking the kiss, Magnus began to bury his head in his neck, searching for sweet spots to nuzzle. This made Alec gasp as he threw his head backwards offering Magnus further access to his weak spots which Magnus was determined to awaken. Every single one of them.

Magnus' hand moved south in search of the one thing he had dreamed of touching. He moved unhurriedly and waited in anticipation of what he would find. His excitement heightened at the discovery of the sheer size of the erection as his palm and fingers barely wrapped around it.

'Magnus' Alec called out in need, both hands clasped tightly onto Magnus' shoulders.

Magnus started stroking his length slowly, deliberately and then in a rhythmic manner matching Alec's every pant. 

Magnus started kissing Alec again, muffling his growing moans. His mouth was hungry to taste other parts of his body as his tongue took lead in licking down the middle of his chest. 

Alec reached an euphoric state when Magnus mouthed over his nipple, grazing with his teeth and teasing the little mount driving him completely senseless. 

Magnus stared down at Alec's arousal and was enthralled by its spectacular display of strength. 

'Alexander darling, you are beautifully made' those words caused  
Alec's heart to double flip. Not only had Magnus called him by name, he had also used endearment. 

Magnus dropped to his knees in front of Alec's erection. 

'Magnus' The desperation was evident in Alec's voice. 

'What do you want me to do Alec?' Magnus teased looking at Alec through dark lashes. 

'I want you to take me whole' 

'Are you sure Alexander?'

'Please ... I want my cock in your mouth. Now.'

'Patience, Alexander, I'm only getting started darling' Magnus wanted to give Alec a pleasurable experience, one he would never forget.

Alec had difficulty trying to control his breathing much less holding down his desire.

Magnus bent his head down to kiss Alec's inner thigh. Alec shivered, knowing that Magnus has the power over him. Power to light up his desire and set him on fire. 

There was no sign he would be getting his wish anytime soon as Magnus deliberately worked his slow tantalising foreplay. Alec let out a guttural sound.

Alec felt himself burning with want. Fever erupted like hot molten out of every pore on his skin. Alec surrendered to Magnus who was clearly in charge. 

When he thought he could no longer hold back, he felt Magnus wrap his hands around the length of his swollen rod.

Electric waves hit him as he felt Magnus stroking slowly up and down his shaft. Magnus watched Alec through his mascaraed lashes, enticing him and smiling with satisfaction. 

He began kissing Alec and tasting him with his tongue. Alec quivered as wet trials were left on his sex each time Magnus licked him. His hands were moving quicker now and the quick succession of each stroke left him in a euphoric state as he demanded for more.

'Magnus, I want you so badly' Alec bucked under Magnus' expert ministrations, his desires burning shamelessly.

Magnus was now kissing the base of his scrotum, his lips gently working the dual chambered sack and his teeth teasing, grazing and tugging at the balls driving Alec to a crescendo. 

Magnus knew what he had to do when Alec's moans got louder. 

He opened his mouth and slid the entire cock inside his mouth. With upward and downward motion, he brought Alec to a senseless peak. 

Alec climaxed for the first time and Magnus let him fill his mouth with his release.

***

Alec slept like a baby and dreamt of Magnus. He smiled when a hand reached out to touch his face and swipe aside a loose strand of hair that was out of place. He felt warm air near his face and a light kiss on his forehead. He felt truly happy and fell into a deep slumber.

Alec woke up with a start. He remembered last night. Magnus. They had cleaned up and climbed into bed together. They laid hugging each other and fell sleep in each other's arms.

Alec reached out for Magnus but felt only cold air. The warmth had disappeared and Magnus was nowhere in sight. On the nightstand was a white folded note with his name penned in neat cursive writing. He grabbed the paper and opened it. 

My dear Alexander,

Thank you for the wildest pleasure and a night I will never forget. 

Forever,  
M

"Shit!" Alec swore under his breath and hit Magnus' number on his iPhone. There was no answer because the phone had been switched off. Alec grabbed his pants, put them on and grabbed his car keys. He needed to find Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a comment okay! Thank you for reading and I hope we get Season 4.


	11. Chasing Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning : Magnus' past contained some shocking revelation.
> 
> This chapter was hard for me to write but I hope I did Magnus justice. 
> 
> Anyway, here goes nothing...

Magnus sat crossed legged in his suede zambia chair. The faithful velvet furniture gladly welcomed its owner's return, as Magnus eased his body into familiar territory, unwinding every tight muscle and letting the plush sofa absorb every single tension from him.

He was home at last in his safe abode.

He sought the chief company of Jack Daniel's, not bothering to pour the smooth oak coloured whiskey into a glass but chose instead to drink directly from the bottle.

His eyes were staring out into the distant dark void through transparent ceiling to floor windows, where the night landscape lit up, illuminated by spot lights from vehicles moving along stretches of interconnected street network below.

Matrix of yellow and fluorescence shone through uniform boxes from looming skyscrapers which dominated the backdrop of the city of angels. 

Magnus loved the sight for as long as he could remember but tonight, the scenery did nothing to relax him. His eyes were trained on familiar sights yet the visuals did nothing to improve his mood. 

Something was bugging him. He closed his eyes and let his mind wander off. 

He was immediately transported to lush greenery, gardens and fountains, pebbled walkways, Lyn Lake and the Lightwood massive mansion. 

He missed Idris.

He missed Alec even more. 

The tugging in his heart felt like pieces of shredded memories, trying to secure their existence but yet in danger of fading into nothingness. 

He bowed his head and rested his forehead between his thumb and finger, nursing his temples deliberately in a slow circular motion. He needed to clear his head and yet Alec's face remained in the peripheral of his vision.

Alec was a definition of divine perfection. 

He possessed power yet held that sweet innocence in contrast. He wore a hard exterior yet beneath it all hid a wild passion. He can be fiercely protective and then surprise you with his gentleness. 

Magnus needed to find a reason to forget his patient yet he could not fault him, let alone harbour any hatred for him.

Ever since Camille, Magnus vowed never to sacrifice his heart for the sake of the crown of 'happily ever after'. 

He built a strong fortress to protect the castle of his heart against foes of broken dreams and shattered hope. Sentries stood guard to ensure the safety of their king of heart.

However, the melodious enchantment of the king of song enticed the king of heart so much that he could not resist laying down his castle's drawbridge.

Alec was trying to cross that damn bridge to claim his crown and then he was going to lay waste his castle of heart.

Magnus shook himself out of his reverie. The alcohol was playing lucid dreams on him messing with his head. 

His vulnerability increased at the thought of Alec coming after him. He needed to hide because he could not trust himself. 

There is no denying the fact that he had fallen helplessly in love with Alec. But can Alec love him the same way if he knew of his past?

His past ghosts haunted him now.

He could hear the muffled cries clearly. He listened intently, in search of its source. It was well past midnight and he should not have been out. If Father Craven caught him outside the monastery, he would be expelled.

He was now approaching the church's courtyard. St Peter's statue was barely visible under the weak lights that lit the perimeter of the church's parish hall nearby.

The noises were distinctly loud. When his eyes grew accustomed to the dark, he made out the outline of two silhouettes leaning against the stone disciple. 

'Please stop. It hurts so much. Please. No'. The voice belonged to a young boy. Magnus' blood froze over.

Without a second thought, Magnus ran toward the bulky mass that was pounding vehemently into raw flesh. He grabbed the massive shoulders of the startled madman and began administering blows after blows. 

Even though his physique was half the size of the maniac, his physical strength drew power from the fuel of his pure rage.

The monster fought back but missed him, hitting into thin air. Magnus moved with agility and speed and sent a mighty force toward the transgressor who toppled backwards. 

A loud crack resounded through the chilly still night. Magnus prepared for the next attack but it never came.

The body slumped automatically and collapsed to the ground with a heavy thud.

Magnus reached for the body and shook it with force but it remained lifeless. Realisation sank in. The angel of death had arrived.

He picked himself up unsteadily, unstable from the aftermath of shock and fury and searched for the boy who was nowhere to be found. 

He knew that the darkness had mercifully kept their identities hidden but it could not blot out the awful truth that he was the bigger monster. 

St Peter kept his silence and seemed at peace.

***

Alec drove straight to the Rehabilitation Centre where Magnus worked. It was his first car drive after the accident. He didn't have time to worry about the safety of his condition because his mind was focused on the only one thing that was important to him. Magnus.

Alec inquired after Magnus at the registration counter. The receptionist immediately placed a call to locate Magnus' whereabout.

'Alec?' 

Alec turned around to see the Head of the Rehabilitation Centre.

'Hi Maia.'

'How have you been? How's Izzy?' Alec gave Maia a quick hug.

'Good, we are all fine.' Alec smiled.

'Is everything okay? I thought Magnus finished his work with you.' She tilted her head to one side and gave him a concerned look.

Alec opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the receptionist.

'I am sorry Sir but Mr Bane is tied up with a patient at the moment.'

'I will wait.' Alec answered sounding a little too eager. He blushed immediately.

'Perhaps you might like to wait for him in the Blue Room right down the hall. It's quiet and mostly private.' Maia nudged Alec in its direction.

Alec was trying to hide his blush by running his fingers through his hair. 

'Thanks.' Alec managed to say.

'I gotta go but if you need anything at all, my office is just down the other end of the hall.' Maia offered.

Alec was relieved that Maia hadn't suspected anything. He tried to relax and breathe normally.

'I will let Izzy know I bumped into you.' Alec said and hurried off.

***

Lydia was helping Magnus file some paperwork after attending to a patient together. They had bonded since their brief meeting at Idris while Magnus was taking charge of Alec. Lydia had later applied to work at the Rehabilitation Centre as a nurse.

She looked up at Magnus who was still jotting down the patient's prognosis, attacking the page with his Pilot G2 pen. 

'I don't mean to pry but aren't you going to see him?' She peered at Magnus.

She didn't have to explain who 'he' was and waited for Magnus to reply.

'Nope' he replied emphasising the mono syllable word with a pop. Obviously, 'he' was already here in the hospital.

'Besides, I have my hands full since I was sent away which was far longer than I had expected.' He said rolling his eyes in exasperation.

Lydia's eyes caught some movement in the hallway.

'Oh oh... six foot, tall, dark and handsome headed this way.'

Magnus didn't need to be told twice. He shot up from his chair shoving the incomplete paperwork into a drawer and disappeared beneath the work counter.

Alec's footsteps drew nearer as he tugged at Lydia's pants to get her urgent attention and placed a finger in front of his lips, signalling to her not to give him away.

When the footsteps stopped in front of the counter, Magnus held his breath and shut his eyes tightly.

'Alec! How nice to see you!' Lydia conversed with ease.

'Hi Lydia, have you seen Magnus?' Alec went straight to point.

'Umm, yeah. We were working together a moment ago but he might have gone off to his next appointment.' She replied easily for Magnus' benefit but her eyes were telling Alec a completely different story, flicking downward and her head tilting toward the floor.

Alec's eyes opened wide with understanding.

'Okay, thanks. I am going to go now. Can you let Magnus know that I was here?'

'Sure, bye!'

'Is the coast clear?' whispered one apprehensive Magnus after he let a few seconds lapsed.

Lydia dragged Magnus up by his arm.

'You have a lot of explaining to do and you owe me big time.' She poked him in the chest with her finger. 

'Coffee break later.' 

'Is that a promise?'

'Yes.' 

'You can go.' Lydia said going back to work on her report as if nothing had happened.

Magnus moved behind the wall and peered into the hallway. There was no sign of Alec at either end of the hall. He sighed with relief and made his way down the east wing. As he passed by a connecting hallway, he heard someone clearing his throat and froze.

Leaning against the wall with his arms folded across the chest was Alec looking extremely attractive in his black shirt and tight jeans. His eyes were murderous though. 

'Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily Magnus?'

Magnus swallowed hard, words failed to form in his mouth as his throat went completely dry.

'Alexander.' He managed and willed his reluctant feet to move in Alec's direction.

Alec didn't make any attempt to move and waited for Magnus to make his way toward him.

As soon as Magnus was near enough, he grabbed him by his arms and shifted away from his position and pushed a stunned Magnus against the wall. 

He leaned into Magnus' face while placing both hands on either side of the wall trapping Magnus inside his self-made holding cell.

'I want to know what the hell happened. Did I do anything wrong? Was I not good enough for you?' Alec's vulnerability was eating into Magnus. 

Alec's eyes darted across his face with uncertainty, desperately searching for signs of acceptance and approval from Magnus.

At that moment, Magnus surrendered his entire castle of heart to the king of song. 

'Alexander. There is nothing wrong with you.' Magnus began reaching out to caress Alec's face. Alec closed his eyes to feel the gentleness against his cheek and held on to the security in Magnus' voice.

'It's not you but me.' Magnus shook off the feeling that was trying to ensnare him and drag him into his dark places. He just couldn't continue. He didn't want Alec to see him like this.

'Hey, what's wrong Magnus? You can tell me anything.' Alec's voice was surprisingly gentle and his eyes were intense, searching for a way to free Magnus from his shackles of agony.

Magnus held on to the assurance that Alec was giving him. He smiled weakly back at him.

'Alexander, what would I do without you?' Magnus' demons were digging up his ugly past and were forcing him to pay for his sins by sacrificing the only thing he has come to love.

Alec drew Magnus into his arms and hugged him tight. He cradled Magnus' head in the nook of his shoulders and placed his hand behind his head. Magnus just stood there in Alec's embrace and felt safe for the first time in his life. 

It was time to free all his demons.


	12. I'll Run To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was emotional to write. I was also partly affected by the cast of SH saying their goodbyes especially Harry's vid with Matt. It had been such a phenomenal experience with the show and interacting with some of the cast members (just two precious ones for me *grins).
> 
> Anyway, this isn't about me, it's Malec time! Love you beautiful souls out there. 
> 
> Stupid question, are guys actually reading this fic? I am just curious is all. 
> 
> Drop me a comment at the end. Xx

Alec waited impatiently for Magnus to finish his shift at the Rehabilitation Centre. The hour felt like an eternity. An eternity of anguished torture stemming from what seemed to be a situation beyond his control.

Magnus had rocked his entire world. 

He remembered his first encounter with Magnus at the mansion. He had never met anyone like him in his entire life. Secretly, he had to admit that it had been love at first sight all along. 

That lightning bolt hit hard, electrifying his whole being and no matter how hard he tried pushing Magnus away, he was always drawn to him in the end.

Like now...

Alec's whole life evolved around structure and stability. When life's earthquake brought devastation to his solid world, it made him vulnerable and angry because he refused to bow down to fate or destiny. 

Instead, he was bent on shaping his own and this meant taking control of Magnus' world.

First, he needed to find out what was bothering Magnus. 

When those wet emotions had flowed down Magnus' cheeks, it had unnerved him. Afterwards, when he held Magnus in his arms, something clicked inside of him. 

He recognised the familiar tugging of his heart. He cursed inwardly because he refused to acknowledge that he was in love with Magnus.

Not now...

He needed to fix Magnus' world so that he could call it even and because Magnus had healed him and gave him back his life. He owed him that much.

It broke him inside to see Magnus in so much pain and agony. 

He wanted to take him far far away from this hideous world to a safe heaven. He wanted to play god, move heaven and earth to reverse whatever dreadful events that were haunting Magnus. 

It scared him because he didn't know if he could fix whatever needed fixing.

He stood up too suddenly when he saw Magnus emerging from the East Wing. Sharp pain assaulted him in the leg as spasm seized him, immobilising him. 

Shit, he didn't need this now. It was suppose to be his turn to look after Magnus.

He smiled to disguise his pained look but Magnus was no fool and had seen his body tensed up and was already rushing to his side.

He immediately worked to free the muscles around Alec's calf. His apt fingers worked on familiar territories easing off their stubborn knots. It was as if Magnus had committed to memory the entire map of his ligament construct.

'Feeling better?' Magus nudged his head upward to see Alec's reaction.

Alec felt a lump in his throat and just nodded his head, barely able to speak. He clearly didn't deserve him. How could anyone be so selfless when he also had to carry the entire weight of the world upon his shoulders. 

Alec vowed silently to become Magnus' Hercules. 

***

'Alexander, you are definitely not driving.' 

Alec knew that tone. It was the non negotiable, do as I say kind that Magnus had used on him whenever he was being plain difficult while he was still bound to a wheelchair. 

It would be pretty much pointless to argue with Magnus so he got out of the driver's seat.

Alec had made Magnus promise to talk to him after work and he was going to get to the bottom of it no matter what it took.

Alec opened the passenger seat's door and climbed in while Magnus took the driver's seat next to him.

Being with Magnus in his car felt strangely comfortable. It felt like they were an item, being alone together. Alec could not describe the warm feeling that was cruising through his body but for the first time, he didn't fight it.

***

Magnus' mind was busy working out all sorts of permutations as to how he was going to address Alec. What should he say? How much should he tell him? Where should he start? 

He needed the distraction and powered up Alec's brand new sleek red Lexus LC and just drove.

Other than the radio which played from its SiriusXM satellite station, both gentlemen remained silent as the ride skirted around town and then made its exit up the hills.

The evening sun was proudly showing off its majestic glow. Streaks of gold outlined fluffy nimbus clouds which floated whimsically across an ocean of deep crimson with hues of vermilion and orange softening the overall picturesque masterpiece. 

Magnus parked the car then accessed the remote panel to auto slide down their windows so that the outside air can get in. He powered off the engine but left the radio on playing softly in the background to calm his nerves. The setting may have been befitting of a lovers' paradise but this was Magnus' sacred sanctuary. 

'This is the exact view from my apartment but only higher up. I can see a whole lot more of the world from here. This scenery has been my sole companion in my rather quiet evenings.'

Solitude is akin to loneliness. This made Alec's heart ache for Magnus. He thought about the loss of both his parents but he had at least Jace, Izzy and Max with him. Magnus had no one else in the world.

Magnus stole a glance at Alec who was listening intently to what he was saying. When their eyes met, Magnus looked away quickly and chose to focus his sight on the familiar view.

Alec didn't take this as a good sign and weighed his thoughts carefully.

'Magnus, I care about you, more than you'll ever know. It was never about sex...'

'Alexander, I am not a good person. I have done things I am not proud of in the past and you might hate me once you find out about the ugly truth.' Magnus began the difficult task of peeling off his protective layers.

He wanted to come clean with Alec and if he was going to have that chance, he needed to strip himself bare and expose all his shame, guilt and sin. Even if it meant risking everything he held dear about Alec.

'I grew up as an orphan with the priesthood. Father Craven was St Patrick's head priest then and I was personally under his charge. I was left on his doorstep as a baby.

My childhood and early years were unexciting, dull and lacklustre. It was when I became a teenager, I started rebelling against the church. Father Craven was the closest father I could possibly have known but even he could not spare me from the perils of discipline. 

I took every single one of the punishments. The list was endless. I was made to scrub the church floor, help out as a kitchen hand, wash windows, clean toilets, mow the lawn, you name it but as long as I had my freedom I didn't really care what they made me do.

One night when I was fifteen, I contemplated running away. I had my knapsack with me and managed to leave my dormitory without anyone noticing.

I made it out to the lawn and was just about to head off into the streets when I heard something nearby. It was a moonless night and the only light came from a nearby hall but its lighting was dim. 

I must have walked toward the courtyard when I realised what the noise was. One of the young boys was being sexually assaulted right there and then in the dead of the night.

It was horrible Alexander. I heard stories about such heartless acts but never once thought I would encounter it in the very place that was suppose to offer protection. 

Rage consumed me as I ran toward the pedophile who happened to be a priest and I just went all out hitting him to stop. When he did, he came around to attack me. I managed to avoid his blows but then...

I gave him a push. He fell backwards and then I heard a crack...

I expected him to come back with full force but he just slumped and laid motionless. I searched for the victim but he had taken off. 

When I... when I... touched the fallen body, he was no longer breathing...

I killed him Alexander. I am a murderer. I don't deserve to live. 

Every single day of my life had been focused on doing good but no matter how much good I did, they were never enough to compensate my evil sin. Nothing could wipe my hands clean from the blood.' 

Tears overflowed like torrent of rapids as Magnus bared his entire soul. All his dark secrets were completely exposed in the open light. Every surpassed pain, anguish and fear were met with bold confrontation until he was left weak and completely drained of his energy.

Alec would surely despise and hate him now. He was a monster that no one would ever love.

Magnus looked up through teary lashes at Alec expecting to find sure signs of hatred in Alec's hazel. When their eyes met again, Alec pulled Magnus into his embrace and just held him there. He put his chin against Magnus' head and whispered gently to him.

'Magnus, it wasn't your fault. You were the hero that night. The man was assaulting a young boy and you did the right thing to come to his rescue. It was a freak accident because you were trying to defend yourself and more importantly you helped save the boy.'

Alec soothed Magnus, his hands pressing Magnus' side face gently against his beating chest. He wanted to shield Magnus from this evil nightmare.

Magnus stayed wrapped up in Alec's embrace. A great relief washed over him. He felt safe for the very first time in his life. Alec hadn't judged him. In fact, he acted the part of a caring listener. He possessed compassion beyond admiration. He didn't deserve Alec.

The radio played a new song in the background as night fall came upon them. The city of angels has awakened from her slumber as city lights lit up its jewelled glory.

Alec didn't need to say anything not because he wasn't trying to but because the song that was playing right that very moment was touched by an angel and unravelled his true profession which lay unsung in the depth of his heart. Its magical lyrics found their way to Magnus' ears as Jaymes Young sang:

Give me all your pain  
And love will set you free  
Give me all your shame  
Put all your weight on me  
And I'll be the stone that you need me to be


	13. The Truth Shall Set You Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to all of you out there!!! Here's the latest #MOM chapter update from me. Big thanks to my beta Nelly who always stand by me, even when I am out there in the real world. I know I have not been around #AO3 much and on Twitter but I am here for now. If you have a penchant for poetry, you can find me on IG. Anyway, enjoy the read!!!

Alec held Magnus' hands in his. Fifteen minutes felt like an eternity sitting inside Alec's Lexus. Alec was strangely at ease with the dead silence though the feel of Magnus' icy hands bothered him. He tried to warm them by massaging them gently with his own hands.

Alec's heart tore at seeing Magnus' vulnerability exposed. He wanted to shield him from this horrible nightmare. His heart wrenched at the thought of how much pain Magnus had endured in the past and the heavy burden of guilt he had to bear.

Alec knew he was deeply invested in his emotions when it came to Magnus. His immediate reaction was to protect him and he wanted nothing more than to fix his problems. He was already putting Magnus in the center of his life. Nothing else mattered.

But this was Magnus' achilles heel, no matter how much Alec wanted to trade places with him, he knew Magnus will never allow it. The thought of Magnus having to face his own demons unnerved Alec as he worked harder to warm his cold hands.

Magnus sat stoically in his seat. His eyes were vacant as if his soul had left his body. Alec wanted to reach out to him but was unsure what he should say. All he knew was that he didn't want to loose him. Magnus had done so much for him and it was his turn to help him back.

'Hey' Alec finally broke the silence.

'You don't have to do this now.' Alec picked his words carefully.

Magnus' soulful eyes bore into his, devastation written clearly on his face.  
'Alexander, I need to do this regardless whether I’m ready or not. I have buried this dark secret for far too long and I don't want to put this off any longer.'

Magnus hoped his voice sounded steady even though he was trying to hide the wreckage inside of him. He braced himself when he told Alec the whole truth expecting Alec to hate him.

Instead, Alec had shown all human decency by listening and not judging him. He didn't abandon him like other people did in the past. Even when he did not deserve his kindness.

Alec nodded his head to show that he understood. Giving Magnus' hands a final squeeze, he turned back to his wheel.

Looking ahead, he said 'Okay, I will drive you to St Patrick's church but I am going in there with you to see Father Craven.'

Magnus recognised the protectiveness in Alec's voice and didn't object to it. He was relieved that Alec was taking charge. He just hoped that when the police arrived to arrest him as a murderer, Alec would... visit him and wait for him to get out of prison. But would Alec want to sacrifice for him?

Magnus rejected the thoughts as soon as they were formed. These are wishful thinking. A tumble in bed and Alec's affection alone would not be enough to buy him Alec's love.

Why in the world would Alec wait for him? Alec had a life ahead of him. He is destined for greatness and will meet someone far more deserving than he is, now that he is out and has almost recovered from his injury. Really, life is a bitch.

***

Alec and Magnus stood on the cobbled pavement staring up at the magnificent structure of St Patrick's church. The architecture bore gothic designs with traces of intricate wall carvings of angels and saints. The building towered above them and its spire made of an ancient cross boasted of the highest spectacle within the vicinity.

Magnus marvelled at how the old church could still command a huge sense of reverence, evoking a familiar feeling he had not felt for a long time. He suddenly felt homesick.

Alec's hand at his elbow brought him back to reality as he nudged Magnus ahead. A priest in black habit was motioning them inside. So, Father Craven was expecting their visit.

Magnus looked at Alec, panic rising. Alec's hand which was holding on to his elbow before now held his hand. His eyes shone with full determination and Magnus was grateful for his strength which he badly needed to help him get through this ordeal.

The old Alec would have minded any form of PDA but this new Alec was fiercely bold. Magnus struggled to breathe and remained frozen in his spot. Alec let go of Magnus’ hand, leaned in and spontaneously hugged him, rubbing Magnus' back with both his hands.

'Listen to me. I am not going to let anything happen to you. I promise you. I know the best defence lawyer in town and you are not going to jail.'

Alec has a way of knowing Magnus' thoughts without Magnus having to utter a single word. This was the reason Magnus loved him. He just hadn't told Alec yet for fear of rejection. It wasn't as if Alec had declared his love for him and he was scared to discover what Alec thought of him, particularly after their love making.

Cold silence greeted them as they entered the church. Magnus felt nostalgic the minute he was inside. The dimly lit sanctuary housed rows and rows of endless altar pews, their dark wood matching the interior's gloominess. Everything was exactly at the same spot where they used to be. He was home at last.

The only colours were worn by St. Patrick in a halo, with heavenly angels surrounding him in a beautiful array of bright hues which were brought to life by sunlight permeating through stained glass.  
As the heavy door closed behind them, their eyes adjusted to the dimness of its inner sanctuary. At the altar, tiny candles were lit, their flames stood still as if waiting for the hymnal procession to start.

The stillness of their illuminating lights somehow brought about an inner calm to Magnus. He left Alec's side and began to walk down the aisle unperturbed by the rows of unoccupied benches till he came to the front row. He sat down and bowed his head trying to feel the presence of an omnipotent being.

Instead, he heard rustling of clothing against the floor. A priest with heavy set garment of jet black night and gold trimmings running down the front of his habit was making his way slowly to him.  
His movements suggested he may have been limping in one leg as he closed the space between them. He was very old but he had a kind face. His eyes held many mysteries of the church. Despite his wrinkled look, he spoke with a clear and steady voice. 

'How have you been my child?' The unmistaken kindness and concern brought both relief and pain to Magnus' heart.

Magnus felt a lump rise in his throat and was utterly speechless in the presence of his holiness.

'Forgive me Father for I have sinned and lost my way' he burst out unable to hold back his tears. Alarmed by Magnus' reaction, Alec wanted to rush to his side and hold him in his arms and kiss his pain away but he stayed rooted to the ground.

The old priest reached out with a shaky hand to touch Magnus on his shoulder. His eyes held tears too but he smiled and nodded as if he possessed divine revelation to see through Magnus' inner struggles.  
'Welcome home my son.' Magnus didn't know how much he needed to hear those words and the minute they were uttered, he collapsed into an embrace with his guardian and at the same time uncaged all his emotions. He sobbed uncontrollably.

The sobs grew louder and Alec struggled to witness the raw display of Magnus' softer side. He did step forward this time and quietly came to stand next to Magnus and the priest.  
He was overcome with a desperation he didn't recognise such that he almost unwrapped Magnus' arms from the priest so that he could hug him instead.

Keeping himself in check, Alec reached out instead to smooth Magnus' hair backward, stroking him gently. What happened next surprised him as Magnus turned to look up at him.

His wet eyes searched his face for signs of acceptance, redemption and something more. Something that he knew Magnus needed but he had not been able to give him because he had to come clean with himself first.

It was then Alec knew with clarity that very moment what Magnus meant to him. He grabbed him by the arms to a standing position. Head to head, Alec gently cupped Magnus' face and looked straight into his eyes.

'Magnus, I want you to know regardless of what's going to happen, I... I am here for you.'  
Magnus smiled in return and his sad eyes tried to hide the ache in his heart because what was said was not enough to save him.

Alec knew he had to do something. It was now or he would loose his chance to do the most important thing in his life. 

'Umm... that was really not what I wanted to say to you.'

'I wanted ... what I wanted to say is I am...'

'I am madly in love with you. Magnus. Have been from the first day I set my eyes on you and nothing is going to change how I feel about you. Not this or whatever fucked up situation you might be in. I love you Magnus.'

He sealed his confession with a kiss not wanting Magnus to say anything because he hoped Magnus felt the same about him and he had no idea what to do if Magnus didn’t reciprocate his feelings.  
When the kiss broke afterward, Alec found Magnus' hands pressed gently on his chest feeling his beating heart as he braced himself for Magnus' reaction.

'Alexander, you never cease to amaze me even in times of chaos.'

'Is... is that a good thing?' Alec was holding back his breath.

Magnus' smile settled him and he began to breathe normally smiling back at him.

'I love you too Alexander Lightwood' Magnus replied softly and leaned in to kiss Alec back.

A small cough from the pew made them both realise where they were.

Magnus turned to the priest. 'Father Craven, this is Alexander Lightwood. We ... well, we just discovered our mutual ... affection for one another.' He swallowed hard.

Father Craven got up slowly and looked at Magnus and then at Alec and back at Magnus again. Without saying a word, he walked past between them toward the hallway. 'Come, my children, let us talk in my study.'

Alec took the priest's reaction as 'not a good sign' but without hesitation took Magnus' hands and both of them followed closely behind the priest.

Once settled in his chair, Father Craven spoke first.

'There must be a very good reason for you to be back Magnus. So tell me why you are here after so many years of absence?'

Magnus looked toward Alec for encouragement and moral support. Alec gave him an assured nod.

'Father, I have run away from my sin but I can no longer hide in darkness. I have committed a murder and am responsible for a priest's death in the dead of the night. I am here to confess and surrender myself and receive my rightful punishment.'

Father Craven was quiet for a moment.

'My child, why did you think that?'

Magnus told his entire story while his guardian listened intently.

'I hit him and heard a loud crack and when he didn't move after that, I knew he was dead so I ran because I was a coward ...'

'My child, I wish you didn't run away because you see, Father Raymond didn't die at your hands. The autopsy revealed that he died of aneurysm, A vein had simply burst in his brain. Your only sin was that you broke St Peter's arm which I had it re-sculptured and restored.'

'What ...' Magnus started but just could not bring himself to say anything more.

The news had stunned both himself and Alec.

'So, you are saying that Magnus didn't kill the priest...' Alec took over instead.

'That is right and Magnus, you are definitely not a murderer nor have you sinned.' Father Craven's words took some time for Magnus to process.

The turn of event was so liberating that Magnus felt the weight of his entire life problems lifted. It was too good to be true yet it was the truth. To think that all these years, he had suffered in vain only to be found innocent.

Father Craven looked at Alec with interest.

'You, young man, must be important to my son. I am an old man but I know a good man when I see one. Times have changed and the church is forced to deal with many things it has never encountered before.'  
He stopped himself before he turned the conversation into a sermon.

'Father, I don't know what to say. I am eternally grateful for all that you've done in the past for me. I ask for your forgiveness for running away. I don't know how to fix this situation and I am not coming back here. I have a life out there in the world and I think I will be okay but I am not sure.'

Alec had a lot of things he wanted to say to Magnus but this is just not the time nor place to do so. This was their beginning. He had not thought about his own world but he was pretty sure he didn't care what his world thought of him as long as he had Magnus.

Father Craven remained silent for awhile.

'Remember what I taught you as a boy to listen with your mind not your ears? You have always been afraid of the storm. The thunder that you hear frightens you until your senses tell you it can't hurt you. What you need is hope, the unseen faith will guide you on to your destiny.'

Magnus rose to his feet and reached out to embrace the only father he had and knew. 'Thank you for everything Father. Thank you so much ...'

Father Craven blessed his son and embraced him for one last time. He turned to Alec.

'I am relinquishing my responsibility of Magnus into your hands. Look after him as if he is your own self.'  
Alec smiled and nodded his head 'I promise I will take care of him.'

That earned him a smile from Magnus he would never forget. For the very first time, after his parent's death, Alec felt at peace and was contended. Magnus was a miracle. His miracle.


End file.
